An explanation

(on the formation of alt.politics.scorched-earth)

Newsgroups: alt.politics.scorched-earth,talk.bizarre,talk.politics.misc
Date: 25 Oct 1994 20:22:00 -0400

WHAT IS THE SCORCHED EARTH PARTY?

Hello. I am Jeff Vogel. Creator and Presidential Candidate of the Scorched Earth Party. I did not create this newsgroup. It was undoubtedly created by one of my hordes of followers, my secret, hunched, drooling, warty mobs who are trying to lift me to the highest position in this great land of ours!

So. What is the Scorched Earth Party?

It is a fresh breeze, over a golden meadow.
It is the rosy blush, in the cheek of a small child.
It is a jackboot in the groin, for those too slow to dodge.
It is the Doublemint Twins. In your bed.
It is the genetic banks, that put the blush in the cheek of that small, powerfully and artifically augmented child.
It is thugs bearing lead pipes, sneaking into Michael Bolton's house in the middle of the night to administer sweet justice.
It is the joys of feeling fresh.
It is taking those who beat the crap out of you on the playground, and putting them on a secret island, where the Sodomy Squirrels make their existance one long, living hell.

The Scorched Earth Party is the last true bastion of honesty in the undiluted smegma bath that is American Politics. We want to serve you. We want to make your life very, very, VERY different. We want to use you. We want to sleep with you.

We were the first political party to respond to the threat of Barney, and the first to advocate beating those responsible to death with lead pipes.

We were the first political party to advocate renaming the Washington Monument the Big Stone U.S. Penis and putting big, orange foam testicles at the bottom.

More to follow. Scorched Earth Classics. Scorched Earth Party Position Papers. Scorched Earth Party Pathetic Requests For Hand-Jobs. Scorched Earth Musings. Here. Until we take control.

To the FAQ

The Scorched Earth