(on the formation of alt.politics.scorched-earth)
Date: 25 Oct 1994 20:22:00 -0400
WHAT IS THE SCORCHED EARTH PARTY?
Hello. I am Jeff Vogel. Creator and Presidential Candidate of the
Scorched Earth Party. I did not create this newsgroup. It was undoubtedly
created by one of my hordes of followers, my secret, hunched, drooling,
warty mobs who are trying to lift me to the highest position in this great
land of ours!
So. What is the Scorched Earth Party?
The Scorched Earth Party is the last true bastion of honesty in the
undiluted smegma bath that is American Politics. We want to serve you. We
want to make your life very, very, VERY different. We want to use you. We
want to sleep with you.
- It is a fresh breeze, over a golden meadow.
- It is the rosy blush, in the cheek of a small child.
- It is a jackboot in the groin, for those too slow to dodge.
- It is the Doublemint Twins. In your bed.
- It is the genetic banks, that put the blush in the cheek of that small,
powerfully and artifically augmented child.
- It is thugs bearing lead pipes, sneaking into Michael Bolton's house in
the middle of the night to administer sweet justice.
- It is the joys of feeling fresh.
- It is taking those who beat the crap out of you on the playground, and
putting them on a secret island, where the Sodomy Squirrels make their
existance one long, living hell.
We were the first political party to respond to the threat of Barney,
and the first to advocate beating those responsible to death with lead pipes.
We were the first political party to advocate renaming the Washington
Monument the Big Stone U.S. Penis and putting big, orange foam testicles at
More to follow. Scorched Earth Classics. Scorched Earth Party Position
Papers. Scorched Earth Party Pathetic Requests For Hand-Jobs. Scorched
Earth Musings. Here. Until we take control.
The Scorched Earth