Read this and other important sexual information at your one-stop Sex-Info Web Site: http://www.bellsouth1.com/~avatar/sexinfo avatar@bellsouth1.com ---------------------------- The Vaginal Orgasm Tutorial with The Theory of Why We Forgot How! by Steve Walz rstevew@armory.com (C) Copyright 1992 and 1997 by Richard Steven Walz Free Non-Profit Use, But All Commercial Rights Retained by Author I am happy you now have this; our article about achieving vaginal orgasms, if you simply promise to let me know if you need any clarification or if and when you are successful with the technique. Many women who did not have help by way of clarification for their questions do not always figure out what we mean. And without that certainty, they have given up in the past when trying to learn this technique from just a document. The only 100% success rate we have experienced was the teaching of it in our own bed, with our friend or trusting close acquaintance, and with both my wife monitoring and I assisting as a surrogate. My wife has also been able to provide it by herself, but it took longer than me being able to feel inside and tell with my penis, which she had trained very well indeed! I don't know if some folks are AS sexually close in small groups of lovers NOWADAYS as we were back then in the last few years before the HIV crisis announcements of 1983 and 1984. It really DOES seem to require close sexual experimenting for some women to come to understand what we could just tell them verbally and then have it work! If you persist in it, however, despite confusion and any doubts that it might not "work" for you, we have found through our article that those who try without giving up will sooner or later succeed, and that they will be more overjoyed than they had even imagined! So that is what you have to look forward to if you persist despite the technique not "working" for you right away! Many women, but not a majority, require extensive practice and the freeing-up of their ability to do such an "un-ladylike" thing as our technique! You will read about it. Many women also have these taboos in their heads about the kind of things they "can do" and whether they also "deserve" this deep an orgasm, even if they express great interest in learning. All of these little things have served to make this the best kept secret from most women raised in the western world that I had ever imagined was actually in effect! And the way it is done is SO culturally insidious! So do enjoy the article, which I append below, and be sure to ask any questions you may have. Altogether, I have coached nearly 120 women by email, and only those who grew fearful that I was leading them on or "getting my jollies" gave up and were thus unsuccessful. For myself, having been a procedures and surgical specialist technician and an EMT for three and a half years in my youth, and having started group marriages several times that did last, and having had the shit well fucked out of me most of my life, this stuff is not some mail-order "trick" I use to get attention or "meet women". I am well taken care of, quite exhaustedly so, being 46 years old and decades married with multiple partners, so do not be afraid as they were. I suspect their difficulty was in their OWN sense of abandonment or victimization by sex, however, when the reward from sex eluded them so much and was actually so close it might have bitten them! So here below is the article and some other letter bodies to women and couples having trouble implementing it that I have found might be particularly effective at answering further the most common questions: Good luck and enjoy yourself immensely, -Steve Walz rstevew@armory.com THE ARTICLE: ------------------------------------------------------------------- The article we wrote about our experience with learning the way to multiple vaginal orgasms from the book by Irene Kassorla, Ph.D. ------------------------------ The book "Nice Girls Do!, And now you can too!" by Irene Kassorla, Ph.D., was originally published by Stratford Press. L.A., copyright 1980, but now the copyright 1984 version is published by the Berkley (not -eley) Publishing Group, 200 Madison Avenue, New York, NY, 10016. The paperback sells from them for $4.99 US dollars and you can call 1-800 223-0510 for plastic orders as I was told. Another information number for them is: 1-800 631-8571. The ISBN number of the book is ISBN 0-425-08983-5 . Good luck with your vaginal orgasms. The book really works, unlike many dreary "how-to" books on sexual technique. It's claims are true. The author won a prize from the Italian government for her work in the field of sex therapy, and at last knowledge on a 1992 talk show, she still practices in Beverly Hills, CA, USA. ------------------------ Addendum: Unfortunately, I have been informed as of 7/94 that they are out of stock and out of print, and there is no word when or if it can be reprinted yet again. I would like to contact the Dr. to ask permission to PD it online, if she is not going to reprint it somehow. I shall see. But you may still find it in used book stores and libraries. If you take it out of the library, please return it after copying it!!!:) Check for people who professionally hunt books in the book section of the yellow pages. They often advertise, or you can ask bookstores if they know people who do this for a fee. Some people keep private stocks of books to sell if they are requested for more than they originally sold for and more than THEY had to pay, since they buy up whole lots of books. Also, you look yourself, for a paperback or slightly larger and thinner white fly leaf, with lavendar decoration on the faces and back surrounding the Dr.'s photo. Very cute older lady. Good luck, -Steve --------------------------------------------------------------------- It all started back when we picked up the book "Nice Girls Do!" by Irene Kassorla, PhD., a sex therapist. She is the only sex therapist that we had ever read who validated the concept of the vaginal, or more properly the cervical-pubococcygeal orgasm, (pubococcygeal is the muscle in your pelvic floor that you squeeze to hold urine). Prior to that time, most researchers sort of ignored everything but the clitoral orgasm as being a myth. Even the G-spot people were very vague, though they were beginning to grasp that the vagina wasn't without nerves. Also, her book was the only one of its kind we have found which actually spells out a most simple technique for teaching women how to have hard unmistakable vaginal orgasms. Dr. Kassorla maintains that by doing a couple of different exercises and disabusing oneself of this culture's profound anti-sexuality, especially in the early enculturation and training of females, that a woman can become skilled enough to have virtually an almost automatic orgasm from vaginal sex which is more homologous (similar between the sexes), to a man's, except that she can do it almost indefinitely, that is, till she tires or is overwhelmed by the pleasure or the effort. It involves first use of the ever popular Kegel exercises which have been used for years to recover bladder control after either childbirth or dysfunction or after surgery to the region. These exercise are simple for a woman to learn: One simply practices first while urinating. The very muscles which can halt the urine stream are the ones which need developing and learning a greater conscious control over. So, a woman should stop the urine stream as many times as is possible before she is finished and clench the muscle to identify it to herself and condition it from the intense clenching. After a few days to a week, the woman can then do this anywhere when she thinks about it and practice without urinating. Most find it stimulating. This is a clue. They may feel sexually excited when they do it and find themselves fantasizing about people they work with or know. This is also normal. Tighten for a count of ten and work up to a count of thirty. There are even insertable pendular weights in progressive sizes which a woman can use to practice squeezing and retaining an ovoid shape in the vagina while squatting. See your sex shop or gynecologist. The second type of exercise is interesting. Many women have had to retrieve either a stubborn diaphram or a pursette tampon which is just out of reach. To do this they bear down, usually on the toilet and push their cervix down to bring it farther down their vaginal canal to reach it. They often notice, even more than with the Kegel exercises, that their exterior genitalia become very engorged and pleasantly sensitive after this maneuver. In discovering this, some women take the time out for a mid-day orgasm by masturbation in the privacy of the nearest pit- stop and find it their favorite position to masturbate in. These two exercises can be employed together with their partner during intercourse and can teach them the secret of the orgasm during intercourse. The best time to try these two techniques is after some oral or manual foreplay, (oral mutual has always been my favorite), in which the women has already experienced a clitoral orgasm. The tissues are engorged and enervated and most ready for repeat orgasm. The technique is best accomplished with the man in a relatively relaxed position; suggested is the woman reclining and the man kneeling astride her buttocks and then the man sitting down on his own heels to enter while holding her legs elevated vertically while she reclines. This allows the male to restrain his urge to immediately go for orgasm, and I advise men reading this, it IS worth it! Once she receives him and becomes used to his penetration she should start first the Kegel-type clenching and continue with that for a while. Then when he is fully erect she can begin bearing down as if pushing the cervix down upon his penis. This should feel to the woman like she is trying to push the man out, but not hard enough to succeed, and like she's pushing backward toward her spine. This usually bears her cervix against his penis from nearly a right angle and rubs across its head and is itself rubbed by the penis, giving both partners pleasure. It used to be thought that the vagina/cervix had few or no nerves. They finally discovered some. (So did we!) Dr. Kassorla reminds us that uninhibited expression of guttural grunting and groaning is the best expression and communication of pleasure to the other partner and both should "let loose", as they say. The bearing down will cause the woman to groan more than she is perhaps used to. As her pleasure builds, the contractions of her "push" muscles will become virtually out of her control and she will feel a similar urge to push as during childbirth, somewhat uncontrollable except between contractions ( in this case read orgasms), and in fact, this may be a neurological side-benefit of the natural birthing process in the human species, (even if you had C-sections). This information has come to light in the commonly noted fact among Lamaze natural childbirth teachers, that women often express embarrassment at how pleasurable the transition phase of labor can be, once the worst of the uterine cramping is over and the baby is being pushed out. Many psychiatrists have had to reassure women that they were not incestuous with their newborn, nor were they raped by their newborn. Some women who fear that emotion may have experienced either sexual abuse or severe anti-sexual upbringing and have conflicted religious training around this issue. Occurrence of reluctance to breast feed is now being demographically researched between women raised more religion-oppressed versus those raised more liberal- progressive. It is believed that many women fail to breast-feed long or at all just because it is sexually pleasurable, the nipples and milk "let-down" reflex having direct neurologic connection to the uterus and pelvic floor neurology. As the rubbing of the cervix upon the penis continues from gentle rocking by both, and the woman uses these techniques, gentle clenching and pushing, she may feel that this is simply TOO stimulating, and that, as though it were some forbidden fruit, that she might "hurt herself" inside, even though it is certainly not painful, and she may fear inverting her vagina and prolapsing her uterus, literally turning herself inside out. She is to be reassured that these same exercises have been used to correct such problems as that or prevent them and that these muscles are the ones which prevent that. Nevertheless, she may find herself doing things quite without thought within several love making sessions and wonder why they don't teach this in school. Well you get the idea. We read the book and tried it, and it made the most incredible difference in our sex life for as long as we were together, (17 years ain't hay - but takes more than sex to hold two people together, unless they both think it doesn't.) In all we have given the book to perhaps ten couples, and almost all have reported startlingly good sex from the lessons contained in it. Only one couple I gave it to said that they read it and found that they were already doing it that way and thought that everyone did. They were amazed that most couples in the western world don't. I have seen a woman cry because she was so happy at telling us of her success after she had borrowed our copy of the author's book. Not to take a note from Freud on some kind of penis envy, but women who are sexually experienced have usually had the thought that their body didn't work right or that women were simply the less lucky of the two sexes, orgasmically speaking. I have even wondered whether some women's unthoughtful deprecation of men arises from this kind of "Orgasm Envy", at how easily and quickly men come during sex with women. Now, knowing what I know now, I tend to wonder if it shouldn't be the other way around, were all women aware of these techniques. In most cultures in the world, among Pacific islanders and equatorial peoples, or among poorer third world people, there is nothing like the concrete, wood, brick, and stucco privacy which our culture has contrived to back up our repressive sexual "norms". This must also have been true for 99.9% of human life on earth among neolithic peoples. Most earlier and poorer peoples, (read "almost everyone so far"), live or lived in multifamily dwellings or long lodges. I suspect that American clitoral and vaginal anorgasmia (lack of orgasm) likely comes from not having heard the unmistakable grunts and groans which are of a type not heard except during well-performed sex by people who know how. In other words, I allege that American sexual incompetence in women, and to some degree consequently in men, must arise from "not having heard your mother make that noise"! We learn speech by heard example and so many other complex nuances of our being that not having heard humans having sex from the earliest age must leave an enormous hole in our sexual and even our emotional development. It may relate to self-esteem problems and magical thinking and the S.E.P. phenomenon (Somebody Else's Problem) found in people in industrialized and so-called civilized (read: sexually repressed) cultures. It is possible that even these non-private cultures don't have to formally or ritually teach women how to have complete vaginal orgasms, or clitoral ones. It is possible that all that is necessary for a woman is that she imitate the noises her mother makes when she gets ahold of her first penis. The guttural grunting and groaning orgasms that she remembers hearing so well for so long simply makes her pubococcygeal muscle in her pelvic floor do the right thing! In fact, in our multiple lover experiences, a series of hard vaginal orgasms has been seen to stimulate a vaginal orgasm in other women present without anything but a finger in the vagina, or nothing! Then again, well-used and properly sized smoothed wooden phalluses are found with personal effects of many other cultures, especially younger adolescent girls. Maybe practice does make perfect. In any case, we learn by imitation. Ever heard the phrase, "You gotta hold your mouth just right."? Something to that. I think that a proof of this homologousness of the "vaginal" orgasm to the male orgasm is that I, a man, was able to learn to "fake" orgasm through vocal cues; grunts and moans and to cause my wife to come to orgasm and to do it repeatedly, and most surprisingly; even when I had told her in advance that I would do so! It was as though she could no more stop herself than a man when a woman really turns on the groaning and gagging and writhing, even if she "fakes" it to help bring herself to the threshold as much as give him that gift of having satisfied her. But sex is 95% in your head, it seems, and both of us found the idea that I could make her near orgasm by auditory clues quite novel, since women have supposedly been doing this to men virtually forever, at least in pop legend. We suspected that this must be a truly cross- sexual type of stimulus to orgasm. After experiencing this author's results in our sex life, I found that I responded in a new way to certain types of groans and grunts I would hear from certain other women just in the course of everyday life, as features of speech and gesture seemingly apart from sexuality, but probably, and as inevitably as has been evolution, a feature in the race which grew with us and had a use in attracting a mate, unintentionally or opportunistically, or both, in the early past and probably to some significant degree now. An interesting note: While the couple is using this technique, both partners may notice that an almost electric sensation of exchanging something indefinable in their genitals is taking place and they will feel more excited even though the male seems to be able to maintain a plateau short of orgasm moving only minutely. The woman may suddenly find that she doesn't even need to think of bearing down somewhat to push, and that if anything, her push can push her partner's penis right out. This will not be what she wants at that moment, and she will relax a bit and find out how much "push" is best and most easily maintained. She will also feel like the clenching and the pushing have Become ONE SIMPLE THING, an obvious bodily reflex and NOT really separable as I have described the teaching and learning of them. She will realize that her body was simply never allowed to learn because the women's culture in the western world doesn't provide such open training and discussion of "exactly how to do that." The genuinely startling thing about this method: Clenching the pelvic floor (pubococcygeal) muscles and the cervical friction and "pushing" pressure, and by the limited pelvic exertion required by the man, usually less than an inch of penile travel at full penetration; that this seems to restrain and forestall a man's comparatively premature ejaculation, much to the enjoyment and satisfaction of both partners, but especially the male, who has not just felt disappointment but also possibly felt personally inadequate when this happens. The answer: They weren't doing it right, how could it work correctly? And not only that, but the woman will discover that she can come to orgasm actually in seconds, instead of tens of minutes, if she is in the mood and just wants a "quicky", although it usually turns into a multiple session! This can be seen as a final equalization of male and female human sexually! It has been done and IS reliable! And the other genuinely startling thing is that the woman's orgasms can be repeated from this continuing plateau of near orgasm for both of them till both are tired, too overwhelmed, or sore! as I implied in the beginning. The woman may even feel that she cannot stop herself from coming and will push her partner off because she is thoroughly blown away by feeling an almost unbelievably pleasurable process happening in her pelvic floor and uterus which she feels is getting continuously stronger and out of her control. She can be advised that she can control it by relaxing and breathing deeply and letting it wash over her, like an ocean, and that she has really just let it get out of hand through the novelty of this wonderful new technique. But one can't do it forever, and greed for completion will get the best of either partner after remaining at the edge of orgasm so long, and after the woman feels she can no longer control, say, her sixth or her sixteenth hard orgasm in as many minutes. Then that last orgasm for the woman, powered by a very delayed orgasm for the man, will exceed both their wildest dreams. Doctor Kassorla tells us that some women can continue for up to 100 times before agreeing to one last overwhelming orgasm! I haven't received any reports from friends of clearly defined orgasms in that number, but over 10 was common. I suppose it is possible, if one is trying for a record. We never managed 100 times, but we were shocked when we made it past ten and were headed for 20! She also talks about the MAXI-orgasm for the woman, which is described as one tantamount to a man's best (how to compare?) and which is accompanied by release of a larger quantity of less slippery fluid than simply a woman's natural lubrication, and it does indeed occur during final orgasm and indeed spills out somewhat. For the man: One might think that less motion makes for less pleasure, but just try it and see if less than an inch or even a half inch of motion doesn't feel like crossing miles of hills and ridges of pure pleasure on each stroke. And the startling thing is that when you reach that point, you will not be able to tell your pleasure from hers! This sounds metaphysical, and for all I know, it is, but it is true! It is almost as though you can "plug yourself in" to another person and experience both of your sensations. It is as though you can feel what she is feeling that makes her clench and push, and as though she can feel the pressure building and subsiding in you that makes your erection suddenly super hard and then back to a normal erection. It even becomes indistinct as to whose hands and faces are whose, and that's a very strange sensation, but wonderful. It feels for the world that this information is being exchanged across some penile-cervical "interface" as an electrical or electrochemical exchange. I don't pretend to know what it is, just that it is there every time in my experience even with lovers who had been "just good friends", and I suspect it will be there for any partners who learn these things. It is truly a fully complete pleasure-bonding experience. You may ask, "What does a male have to learn? It seems that you are implying that the female is the only one in need of training!" I am sorry to say that in this particular case, it is mostly the female who seems to require training, and that any caring attentive male who is enthusiastic about this new-found program is suitable. The things the male learns are more subtle and hard to describe, but they are learned "in process", so to speak, simply by just not pounding away till he comes. He will feel the results of her technique and will realize that she is offering him a pearl beyond price. He will feel the "electricity" and almost automatically know that he can slow down and rest a bit and still enjoy the waves of pleasure. Men do most of the work in sex anyway, and they wouldn't mind a break from having to work so hard to feel good. Most sex books already say this, but they don't teach how, and then the man goes back to the old wham-bam in disgust. Having seen what a woman's body can do, I can much more fully comprehend their unending disappointment as the source of that cynicism and, unfair, I think, male blaming about their sexual satisfaction. In a culture where one has few sexual partners, a female who isn't satisfactorily having a vaginal orgasmic life is bound to think it is some sort of deficiency in their male partner's equipment, either its size or his technique or his attentiveness to her pleasure. And whether women believe it or not, this apparent but untrue "inability" to satisfy their female partner is of very profound disappointment and shame to a man. In fact, for one male to taunt another directly about the size of his penis is often met with instant hair-trigger physical violence (and occasionally murder). It is so taboo that I have simply not ever witnessed it. It is the male's greatest shame that he cannot satisfy his female partner more than she says he does, and it is his biggest puzzlement in life that women don't "seem" to come to orgasm from vaginal sex as readily as males. Males feel cheated by the world, and this leads many men to give up and think that most if not all women are non-orgasmic, and that he might as well get it off quick and slink off with his tail (penis) tucked between his legs. This has been the cause of a great deal of misogyny, the distrust and dislike of women. But this is as understandable, while being tragic, as is women's discouragement about sexual satisfaction. He feels cheated by his partner of the pleasure of pleasing her and reacts against her complaints that he is incompetent or insufficient. He begins to think she is playing mind games with him, e.g., asking for closeness and cuddling after "she has failed him" one more time. He begins to think that women are the givers physically, since they seem to get so little out of it, and men are just callous takers. But emotionally he feels that he has been had and that men are the givers and women take your manhood, your children, your money, and from there it becomes a western pop single. This simple sexual technique, I maintain, might be a key ingredient that people need to end this cultural warfare between the sexes. Women are raised in this culture to leave their genitalia alone, by edict, by example, and by emulation of their mother's public behavior. It is almost as though the vagina is an abstract for them, not really there until they lose their virginity, and then only something that men touch. I have gotten this as a sharing of personal truth from many women that my partner and I talked to over the years. My informal survey has only a minority of women having discovered pleasure from their clitorises until late in their teens or even after marriage. My survey also indicates that no women I have ever spoken to about this have ever used dildos or vibrators until well after losing their virginity or into their married life, and then only a minority use them. It is as though women do not typically acknowledge their vagina until much later in their lives and they have no knowledge of its potential. In this culture, they do well to get acquainted with their clitoris. With the current AIDS epidemic, I imagine we have lost the gains we made in the sixties and seventies for the latest adolescent females. Maybe not, we'll see. Having been a young man raised by a mother and a working father (nice man but quiet, kind of fun baby-sitter at night), I know that women of my mother's generation were not raised to be what I think of as "real people". People who don't know things about the physical world and who seem to take a lot of time fooling with their hair or their make-up and spend a lot of money filling closets with clothes and shoes which were uncomfortable-looking and non-functional was kind of a bummer from age four on for me. I didn't want to think that my mother was a loon, because otherwise she was a nice person to talk to and she did know a lot of indoor things and games. I just didn't see why she had to do all that other stuff that made me think she thought it was Halloween every day. I think this is what makes young men rebel against their first authority, their mother. If your mother looks like an "unreal person", you will resolve not to do nutty stuff like she does rather early. So for males it is quite different. Males are trained to rebel against their mothers and to be skeptical of the value of any advice given by them lest it be some of that nutty stuff. I have known that for myself and spoken of it among my male friends since I was young. Men learn to lie almost pathologically to authority to get their way and they don't feel a drop of guilt. Whereas women would feel hideous guilt, men feel totally justified in their quest for "forbidden" pleasure. Males are trained to acquire a self-esteem that believes only that which gets them what they want. Women are trained to be obedient. To grasp this consider male genitalia: It sticks out and rubs on clothing as well as spontaneously becoming erect on a regular schedule, and an often inconvenient one at that! This makes males expert masturbators from their earliest possible age. If a woman, even a young man's mother, told him not to masturbate because he would go blind or become feeble- minded, he first likely wouldn't believe her, and second, wouldn't care. He would do it anyway even if God himself told him not to. The sensation of erotic desire is the heart of male courage, because courage comes from fighting against authority because the pleasure which authority would deny is a personal "authority" of one's own, simply impossible to resist. Virtually all men would rather accept "God's wrath" or "eternal damnation" than give up erotic pleasure. The "Devil" is always a man, whereas an "angel" is always an obedient "girl". Men learn rebellion from their penises! Anti-sexualism is really an economic gambit from the time when a girl's virginity was a chattel owned by her father to seal a bargain or political allegiance, but they needed a shuck and jive story to make it sell, so by survival not of the fittest, but the one which can most quickly find its niche and fill a need, they hired the Catholic Church and other religions to do their dirty work of making people feel that they were loathsome and dirty for having physical needs. It used to be almost any need, back when the king wanted taxes from the poor. Now it's just a stumblingly stupid way to try to obtain additional "social security" by marrying your daughter to someone she doesn't really love but who has the bucks, just so you can be more comfortable in your old age. Isn't that what they teach women?: "It's as easy to love (read: fuck, especially if you don't feel anything down there) a rich man as a poor one." And remember "Romeo and Juliet"? That was Shakespeare's "New-Age""Charles Dickens-ian" protest and social warning to leave your adolescents' sex life the hell alone, or at worst, wind up with some dead kids! (Or at least kids who will hate you all your life!) I love women, I don't wish to blame or shame them. But I think that my experience as I have faithfully set it down here justifies my belief that women can be responsible for their own orgasms by these techniques, more or less, as males are. It is true that women were once enslaved by men, and there are lingering vague facets of that bad old culture in our daily interactions and institutions even today. But for men like me, who genuinely would prefer female partners who are equals, men who do their own laundry and their own dishes, thank you, and who vote and cry out for women's rights to their bodies and equal pay and opportunity, this is, I think, my fair concern. So many men, so far, have been left with the sad feeling that women are some kind of different animal who doesn't like sex quite as much and are not able to really enjoy the sex of intercourse, and so they settle for pleasuring them clitorally or "dead" vaginal sex and a kind of disjointed closeness and bonding with slight pleasure, are pleasantly surprised by the results from this simple technique to find their partner beginning to seek them out and "jumping" them possibly more than they can even provide. However, as this skill between partners develops, each will learn how to move the least to satisfy the partner the most. If you are a man, you may finally have vindication of a long burning suspicion which during your sex life so far didn't make sense, that a woman, your lover, should be as sexually desirous as you; just as horny for the services of your penis as you are for those of her vagina. Well, they ARE once someone shows them the trick! This must be the best kept secret in the western world and lately it has been so because it was forgotten! No more twenty minute romps in the hay with a "bit of snatch", gentlemen, you will now be stuck with a fully sexually aggressive woman, and that leads to aggressiveness in other things. You may now discover that she wants you every night but that it's easier than the tiresome push-ups once a week, and a lot more fun!! And if you are a woman, the news is even better. You can be satisfied with your sex life, and you can come as hard and as fast as a man or you can outlast him by hours. You needn't get the short end of the stick in bed. You will discover why men fall asleep after sex, (the beached whale syndrome), and you will too! And likely as not you'll wake up a bit later and want to do it again. And he'll want to too. ------------------- Enjoy. We certainly did! - Steve This article is copyright 1991 by Richard Steven Walz and free to the public domain if attribution to me is intact. END OF ARTICLE! ------------------------------ And here is a letter fragment that we found particularly useful for women who had a little trouble learning from the article. It describes the degree of our sexual development in our marriage at the time my wife discovered the Kassorla book and what she reported to me might help a woman understand "pelvically" exactly what a woman might need to have explained; from her remembrance of her means of learning about her muscular vagina from the way she was doing it during cunnilingus with her on top leaning on her arms and what she thinks prepared her best to receive the message in the book: -------------------- The last thing I would want a man do do with his partner is to make her feel inadequate if she doesn't have vaginal orgasms. If oral sex and clitoral stimulation bring her to clitoral orgasms reliably, remember that we did fine ourselves as a couple for nearly ten years with that degree of satis- faction, and that it didn't bother us. We just happened to discover vaginal orgasms, and it was fantastic, but any pressure to perform is entirely the wrong thing to do with anyone's sexuality, as you undoubtedly know from being a man!!! It IS best if you simply take the recommended exercises as a potential icing on the cake, while remembering that what you have together is far better than most people ever get. And I wouldn't give up cunnilingus for anything, as that was always close to the best part of sex, because I got the joy of plea- sing my lover and getting to watch her and hear her come and give herself over to my keeping to be pleasured. There is nothing greater! This is just a slightly better form of the same thing, and it is just a skill that can be learned. Now we have had very good luck in that we personally never had a failure in teaching people personally to come vaginally. But here I'm remote and the results may vary. Also, what you learn from our experience may trigger her vaginal orgasms months or years from now, as it might take her longer to realize exactly what we were talking about. In other words, our technique might be seen as something that just might take a while to "cook"! And waiting for it while not expecting it is the best policy. Just do the exercises, which don't take long, and she should try whenever she is willing to make it work for her. That is all that can be asked of her. Remember, she isn't doing this for you, she should be completely aware that this is something she is practicing to do just for her! One thing that seemed to lead my wife in the direction that caused her to respond so fast and so well to the technique was that I had started to get her off more and more by waiting till she was close to coming when she was sitting on my face, her on all fours and even laying on me or up with her arms extended, whichever was most comfortable at the moment, and then I would digress from licking her clitoris and plunge my tongue deep into her vagina and move it around hard! I would suck on her vagina quite hard with my tongue inside. Then as she was coming I would do that again, as soon as her largest part of clitoral response was over, and I would encourge her to extend her arms and lean vagina back and sit hard onto my tongue and I would again lick her as far up into her vagina as possible, and she would bear down to push as much of her vagina and even her cervix down into the floor of her pelvis for me to lick and touch with my tongue. That would make her gag all over again in what she came to think of as a kind of "after orgasm orgasm". It was right after that that she discovered the book and then the contracting and bearing down described in the book made perfect sense to her, with the result that she took only a few days to really more or less master the technique as a take off from that experience with deep cunnilingus as or just after she came clitorally. So if you have not yet experienced that, I would strongly recommend it. It is also important not to expect any serious 69'ing from her while she is really working on her orgasm, as it is distracting to try to do both for her. It is best if you just leave whether she makes use of your penis during that an unimportant side issue, in that she should be assured that her pleasure is of primary importance to you when you are licking her, and that you can always fuck later to get off. Tell her that your penis is just there to tease her and entice here visually and that's all that's important to you. When she is sitting somewhat up on her extended arms, she can't be sucking on you anyway, and that's the best position for deepest vaginal tongue penetration. Really work at trying to lick her cervix and go as far into her as you can get! Move it around vigorously and make her grind her bottom against your mouth in pleasure. Grab her butt and really pull it hard to you, catching your breath as best as you can, and diving in when you can hold your breath and really licking her deep! This seems to be the transition stage that made my wife so ready to learn the technique from the book. It was her understanding that bearing down was pleasurable and the desire to contract on my tongue and to push her organs farther down onto my tongue that is closest to what the technique is anyway. This point I shall attempt to bring out in a future version of our article about it. - Steve Walz -------------------------------------------------------------------- My response to someone who insisted there was no such thing as vaginal orgasm! He writes: ------------------------------- >My wife goes wild during sex doggie style. She says the clitoral stimulation >is intense. Second of all, there is no vaginal orgasm. All orgasms are >clitoral. You should keep up with modern human physiology. ------------------------------- Sorry, but YOU'RE the one who's about ten or even twenty years behind on orgasm!!!! It USED to be thought that some women had vaginal orgasms, though many "experts" said that a woman having a vaginal orgasm was a perversion! They said there were no nerves in the vagina and that "nymphomaniacs" dreamed them up from their perverted hysteria! That was the thirties through the fifties!! In the sixties and seventies the word was spread in books that there was NO vaginal orgasm, but that there were no or VERY few nymphomaniacs, as well. In the seventies the word went out that ALL orgasms are clitoral!!! THEN some Lamaze natural childbirth coaches, usually registered nurses, who teach the Kegel (Kay-gul) exercises, that is of holding the urine and then when urinating, stopping and starting the urine flow to detect which muscle they must develop by "dry" practice later to strengthen and correct the deformations from childbirth, began to get reports that the Kegels were giving women orgasmic sensations in their vaginas! They at first wrote this off for the first perhaps ten years of Lamaze as being orgasmic stimulation of the root of the clitoris from inside the vagina and that clitoral orgasms or near orgasmic feeling was all these women were attaining. Many sexual self-help books were written on that premise, that a woman can strengthen her pubococcygeal muscle and squeeze the man's penis with it and can also attain some extra stimulation for herself. Then she could stimulate herself to orgasm and hopefully reach orgasm at the same time as the male, but that she "must" do so clitorally! But then they modified and by the 70's they started teaching a newer type of Lamaze training in which the women were taught the correct pushing maneuver to expel the baby's head at the right time and women were beginning to be seen more as an active participant in birth rather than the uterus being relied on to expel the baby without much help, which had been problematic and not as effective as the natural urge to push and relying on big forceps. Prior to that time, "natural childbirth" was just expected to prevent the need for drugs and allow people to see their children born! When the Lamaze teachers were finally teaching what is now known as the Lamaze method currently, something interesting began to happen as they combined the Kegel practice without urinating, just tightening the pubococcygeal muscle for practice at all hours of the day, with the pushing exercises immediately after, in the hope that the clenching and pushing would collaborate in preventing any premature births from the exercise of pushing, which HAD happened when the pushing was introduced too late in training. The interesting thing was that numbers of these RN's who were teaching the Lamaze classes in their homes and hospitals were having women turn "monkey-assed" purple and have an orgasm right there in front of all the other couples, and these orgasms were NOT clitoral! They were much STRONGER than clitoral and they LIKED them! A LOT!! These reports over a couple years filtered their way to a sex therapist in L.A., now of Beverly Hills, Dr. Irene Kassorla. She had been well aware of the checkered history of persistent reports of vaginal orgasms which could be sustained and repeated over and over and over for an hour and more, occurring about once a minute or so! She put two and two together and taught HERSELF how to have these orgasms and wrote a book on it in 1980, called "Nice Girls Do!, and now You can Too!", and it was lack-luster as a book, not quite attaining block-buster status, but mostly because of the title and because the all-important information was centered in a few crucial pages near the back of the book! She first, being the PhD psychologist, wanted to deal with all the OTHER blocks to good sex FIRST, but people were tired of reading that in all the OTHER sex-help books, so they didn't manage much past the third chapter or fourth, and one can tell in the paperback editions found at used book stores and at garage sales, where we found OUR first copy! The backs of all the paperbacks were only broken back to the fourth chapter maximum! No wonder people didn't get her message!!! Since then at least it has drifted into the common sexual knowledge, even in sexuality courses, that vaginal orgasm is possible, but "don't count on it", which is a rather poor statement for women's sexual education today, at least the number of women who have managed such an orgasm has gone up with the openness about sexuality that now pervades our society. There are even cute little tutorials on how to have vaginal orgasm in women's magazines which declare that vaginal orgasm is possible, and they restate Kegel, and offer some other advice toward "accidentally" achieving this "on occasion" or "later in life". While it is true that later in life a greater number of women will have discovered how to have multiple vaginal orgasms, it is still a sad commentary that Dr. Kassorla's knowledge is not widely known and taught in sex ed!!! One thing that MAY have turned off many of the Dr.'s readers was that she SOUNDS like she is making totally impossible claims for her method!!! In actuality, she isn't at all. YOU'LL find out, if you read and practice! -Steve Walz rstevew@armory.com