YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER

[129 indicators]

Contributions by: Tim Cheng (timmyc@uclink2.berkeley.edu)

Howard Hsieh (hsieh@san-jose.tt.slb.com)

and numerous engineers

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1. If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
2. If you can prove it statistically as well (should be trivial)...
3. If you enjoy pain.
4. If you enjoy rejection (see previous).
5. If you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
6. If you remember the price of Windows 95 but not a gallon of milk. (Jay Leno)
7. If you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
8. If you chuckle whenever anyone says "MacIntosh"
9. If you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
10. If you write down formulas in reverse polish notation.
11. If you've pointed out to people that the new millenium really starts at
year 2001 not 2000, or that Y2K should be the year 2048.
12. If when you look in a mirror, you see an engineering major.
13. If you can reach a mirror in your room (It's behind the computer).
14. If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
15. If you make up for it with a window background of the weather outside.
16. If you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
17. If you frequently compare MacGyver to Star Trek.
18. If you always do homework on Friday nights.
19. If you prefer to be at Fry's Electronics on Saturday nights.
20. If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
21. If you prefer to use spherical coordinates for everything, just because.
22. If you think in "math."
23. If you think in ones and zeros.
24. If you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
25. If you think Michael Jordan was the scientist who invented Jordan matrices.
26. If you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
27. You tell people not to touch the computer because you like the screen saver.
28. If you have a pet named after a scientist.
29. If your pet is a mouse.
30. If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
31. If you enjoy collecting canonical lists of pickup lines and blonde jokes.
32. If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
33. If you find yourself staying up nights trying to think of ways to free the citizens of Flatland.
34. If you can translate English into Binary.
35. If you prefer to use your own compression algorithms in translating English to binary.
36. If you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
37. If you open the emergency exit door in the middle of a math exam because you finished early.
38. If you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
39. If you wear that jacket in the middle of the summer heat because you forgot about the weather, and wonder why in the world you are sweating.
40. If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
41. If you easily stack a pyramid of Coke (or Diet Coke) cans.
42. If you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
43. If you avoid talking with non-engineers because they won't talk shop.
44. If you consider ANY non-science course "easy."
45. If you consider any communications or literature course "hard."
46. If when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
47. If you claim that you wanted to solve all the problems on the computer but the laserwriter crashed because it didn't recognize Framemaker.
48. If the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
49. If your idea of fun is 30-page algebraic marathons of complex integrals.
50. If you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
51. If you prefer writing betas instead of B's.
52. If you understood more than five of these indicators.
53. If you're thinking THAT'S NOT TRUE to less than five of them.
54. If you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
55. If you were thinking of putting it on your door, but dang, that Dilbert is so funny!!

Here's another list:

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From: Morgan Duncan <mduncan@margaritaville.mfg.sgi.com>

Subject: You might be an engineer if...

Date: April 16, 1996

From my roomate Morgan "Engineering is cool!" Duncan.

This stuff kinda hits home for me - scary! I think that I have some

engineering in my blood from my dad.

Gary

ps Dilbert Rules!

Gary and Jim: Pay close attention to "If you need a checklist to turn on the TV"

You might be a pooter engineer if...

UH OH I ADDED MORE! :)
 
56. If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
>> If you introduce your wife as your "two's complement" or "sweetie PI".
57. If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
>> And also has to send you an Instant Message, a page, and e-vite, and add such reminders to your Calendar program.
58. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
>> You like to pick out inconsistencies in The Matrix and Lord of the Rings.
59. If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
>> You want something that has GHz on it.
>> You reason that a wireless LAN is a toy your kid would enjoy.
60. If Dilbert is your hero
>> Which makes Cathy your nemesis.
61. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
>> You can draw the Pictionary words PORTRAIT and LANDSCAPE using two boxes.
62. If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
>> You've seen or know the six incarnations of Star Trek.
>> If you know all the titles for the six Star Wars movies, including the third one.
63. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
>> If you take your e-mail joke lists seriously.
64. If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
>> If you use your cellphone in place of your wrist watch because they're the same size anyways.
65. If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
>> If good interpersonal communication means no net lag in your e-mail.
66. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
>> For Christmas you get your kids a pile of junk from the garage and tell them to build something.
67. If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
>> If you've thought about running SPICE on your kid's potato light bulb circuit.
68. If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
>> same with paper clips, chewing gum, and CD's
69. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
>>
70. If you window shop at Radio Shack
>> You mean Fry's.
71. If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
>> You prefer renting DVD's because you can see all the bonus features.
>> You slow motion and pause videos of magic shows so you can look for wires and tricks.
72. If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
>> You wish "The Far Side" would come back so you had a choice of what comics to post.
73. If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
>> You debate over the merits of Linux vs. Windows
74. If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
>> Your car uses a wireless proximity device for parking.
75. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
>> You've decided to buy multiple docking stations for your laptop.
76. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
>> You prefer eating dinner from cans that have the pop top on them.
>> You've used more than the "Add minute"  button on your microwave.
>> You know the exact number of seconds and intensity needed to microwave your bag of popcorn.
77. If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
>> If you've pondered attaching a homing device to something you flush down the toilet.
78. If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
>> If you keep with the times by putting your Star Trek hobby on hold in favor of Stargate SG-1 or Star Wars.
79. If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
>> You've opened your TV and tweaked it for better performance.
80. If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
>> Your co-workers when they go to lunch, bring their Yahoo Maps.
81. If you thought the concoction E.T. used to phone home was stupid
>> You wish you had your Speak N Spell back so you could try it out too.
82. If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
>> If your Science Fair project involves several modes of operation.
83. If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
>> You have PDF's of some weapons of mass destruction.
84. If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
>> For those special occasions you have a blue dress shirt.
85. If you have never backed-up your hard drive
>> If you've religiously updated your antivirus software and any service packs.
86. If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
87. If you truly believe aliens are living among us
>> If you've planned a road trip to find Roswell, Smallville, and Area 51.
88. If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
89. If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
>> You don't mind the "Refurbished" label on the electronics boxes.
90. If you see a good design and still have to change it
91. If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
92. If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
93. If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
94. If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are 
95. If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
96. If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
97. If you have more toys than your kids
98. If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
>> If your DVD player requires more than three remotes to power on.
99. If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
100. If your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre
>> If your wife thinks your clothes come straight out of the eighties.
101. If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
102. If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
103. If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
>> When the projector screen doesn't light up or the VCR tape doesn't run, everyone looks at you.
104. If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
105. If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
>> You've cried when your favorite BattleBot or Junkyard Wars team gets eliminated.
106. If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
>> You know what a mantissa is.
107. If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
>> You try counting the pixels on your flat screen TV and pooter monitor.
108. If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
>> You've taken the cover off your computer more than twice in a year.
109. If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
110. If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
111. If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
112. If people hound you for pocket protectors at Halloween time
>> If people hound you for bunny suits.
113. If you did the sound system for your senior prom
114. If your checkbook always balances
>> If your checkbook is in trouble because of your electric bill and recent Fry's purchases.
115. If your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her
>> If your girlfriend only wants lunch dates with you because you don't have casual clothes.
116. If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
117. If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
>> If all your real life friends have email accounts anyways, and those that don't you never talk to.
118. If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
>> You blame the incompetent managers at NASA for the shuttle disasters.
119. If you think your computer looks better without the cover
>> Your idea of a clean pooter is Windexing your monitor and having it virus free.
120. If you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't get enough sleep
121. If your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
>> You haven't the foggiest idea what you do at work either.
122. If you spend more on your home computer than your car
123. If you know what http:/ stands for
>> You know the names of Intel's and AMD's microprocessors.
124. If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio 
125. If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
>> If the back of your pooter is a messy bunch of wires and cables.
126. If your favorite part of the 6 o clock news is comparing their latest satellite weather picture with yours
>> The only news you see is CNN after midnight.
127. If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
>> When your child asks how rainbows are made, you reply "didn't you learn anything?"
128. If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
>> add Pizza and Beer for those days you don't feel like cooking
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Last Modified: June 11, 1996 and a few new entries in Sept 3, 2003