The Quoted Sam & Max, Page 2


From: Ali Bridgers 

Max: Like Fruitcake!!  
Max: I think I'll name him mittens because hed make a fine pair of em.
	Sam and Max Hit the road

From: James McFadden

>From one of the Lucasarts strips:

Sam: "That's okay, Max. I've come to realize that
one of the perks of a free society is the inalienable
right to debase ourselves in a wide variety of


From: "Sam Roberts"
from the invaders
max:promise is promise.
sam:i kid you not max.
max:i love it when you say i kid you not max,i mean sam


From: Sprlackr

sam: max crack out the tang and the little cereal boxes with the preferated
backs. i love that crap!



SAM:Looks to me like a margionally vulnerable hostage situation!
MAX: OOOOOH, does this mean we get to kick some puffy, white, mad scientist's
SAM: Can't think of a reason not to


From: Summer Rodgers

Random quotes from the TV Show.

Sam: "The bounty of your genius adds up to sea chips."

Sam: "Sweet mother of all things good and sturdy!"

Sam: "Speech center?? I thought Max had a cream center."

Max: "May I tenderize, er, I mean, mirandize the criminal now?"


From: Leiger

From "On the Road"

Max: "Aren't you going to look under the hood?"  
Sam: "Hell no!  It's all dark and thick-smelling in there, and I might get
grease on my hat!"


From: Alex Gravlin

My favorite Sam and Max science tip:
" Kids, try imagining how far the universe extends! Keep thinking about it
until you go insane."


From: Jana Christman
(Sam looking at Ivian, the human chicken dumpling)

    MMMMMM! Looks delicious!


From: Pwdrmunkey

Max:I'd wet my pants, if I wore any
--Sam and Max hit the Road--


From: Sonicl2321

>From episode 'It's Dangley Dever Time!'

::expirimental TV explodes::
Max: So much for cacthing the rest of our show.
Sam: On the other hand the gods of slim chance have awarded us this enchanted
wooden play thing. ::Wooden puppet boyscout dancing in front of them::
Max: OR as I like to call it...TARGET PRACTICE!

Dangley: Has EVERYONE forgoten about kindness and sharing?
Sam: Afriad so. They went out of style right along with poddle sweaters and
funding for the arts.
Dangly: Then the world has no place for a do gooder like me.. *Whhhhaaaaaaa..*
Max: I just HATE to see a grown marrianete cry, Sam. I wish he'd STOP.
Sam: Me too. But chucking him into the wood-chipper whould seriously jepordize
our relationship with the sponsers.
Dangly: *sniff sniff* Dangly Dever is s-signing off. ::runs off::
Sam: Let him go, Max. Sometimes a little wooden boyscout needs some time to
Max: Actually I was just gonna' tell him to wacth out for that street sweeper.
Sam: Oh...

>From Kiss..kiss..bang..bang. 

Max: We hate to save the world and run but we really gotta' get these monkey
suits back.
Sam: Ride's here!
Max: Don't worry miss. A boat will be along shortly and that means saloirs.
Yep, you'll get picked up alright.
Sam: Did I mention you crack me up, little buddy?
Max: What ever.


From: "Raleigh J. Unterseher"

From The Damned Don't dance. 

Max: Oooo, lookie Sam. Santa got caught in this BEAR TRAP I set in here! Wow, he
knawed his own FOOT off to escape.

From: On the road

Sam: Oh boy, look at all the ways to buy crap we'll never need.
Max: I love crap we'll never need! That's my FAVORITE kind of crap!
(Later after shopping)
Sam: Well, here we are hanging out after a rewarding day at the mall.
Max: (smoking a cigerret) I bought lots of crap I'll never need! And I'm
verry PLEASED about it!
Sam:(Swats cigerret away from Max) Hey, you don't smoke! What the hell do
you think your doing?!
Max:Trying to look cool, so cheap, teen-age bimbos will take me home and
wash my socks and make me choacolate milk and pry the ear wax outta my head
with a BIG Q-TIP!

From: Hit the road.

Sam: The only two words that can describe this ball are huge and big.
Max: I think the two words I describe it with are dumb and stupid.

Sam: Hey bub, You better tell us how you bend your tools....NOW! We're
Weird psychic power guy at diner:OK, OK, just shut the %$#@ up! I twist it
with the device under the F%$#@en' table.
Sam:Uh, thanks.... I think.
Max:It's been real %$#@en' educational!

Sam:Hey, I don't think Boscos vomintarialy giving away his money.
Bosco: Oh! I'm real terrified! A dog and a rabbit! Ooh, scary!
Sam:Max, this smart ass kid doesn't think we're scary. What do you think
about that?
Sam: That's telling him little pal.
Max: I think that punk learned a valuable lesson, Sam.
Sam: Me too Max. I didn't realize that the lower lip COULD strect completely
over the head. Amazing!

Max: Hey, look it's those two..uh, what was the word Sam?
Max: Yah, misaaaaanthroats! Hey what are you anyways, the president of the
hair-club for short people?
Lee Harvey:This is Mr. Conroy Bumpus, famed country/western star.
Max: Yah, well he looks like a lounge lizard to me. And I'll bet he ITCHES
from that stupid rug on his head.
Conroy: Maybe you should watch yourself FURBALL.
Max: Yah, well I've got more hair on my fuzzy little BUTT then you do on
that hollow country head of yours!!!


From: Stephen Thomsen

From Bad day on the moon.
	"Look, Max. Bullet holes, a bloody hand print, and the heel of a dragging
corpse. Or maybe not. I'm next to blind in this half-assed penny conscious
space helmet.
	(Max has been telling the store owner to put his hands down for a long time now.)
Sam: Well, thanks for showing us down here. And no, we're not afraid, because
we're genarally too damned ignorant, right Max?
Max: Hey, mister. You-can-put-your-hands-down-nowww.
Store owner: Well, if you won't be needing anything else...

Max: Here's a plump handsome specimen. I've decided to call him...BINGO!

Max: While Sam tracks Bingo to his lair, while Max waits upstream to point and
laugh at the ensueing carnage. Oops!  I said "Ensueing."

Max: Sam! Sam!
Sam: Max! Where are you?
Max: I'm in YOU Sam. Everything that makes me a unique individual (Except for
my bones, skin, and oragans, of course) is now contained wthin YOU. Did I
mention it's dark in here? You should consider changing your diet.
Sam: It's amazing.
Max: You mean the idea of consciousness transference? (God, I can't beleive
I'm saying that!)
Sam: No, that you could be dead and never have to stop talking.


From:The Dingbooms 

From Sam And Max: Hit the Road

Sam: Percent sign, Ampersand, Dollar Sign.
Max: And colon, semi-colon too!
Telekenic Guy: What are you two F@*#&*g doing?
Sam: Swearing in longhand askrisk mouth



You're a demonic little imp, Max!

From:David Bursach

(From the handbook of the game)
Narrator: Put on a puppet show for neighborhood kids, it'll affect them
later in  life!
Narrirator: Use it for means of communicating with pagan cultures.



From Sam & Max Surfin the Highway 

Max:Bugga Bugga  (while flying through a window)

From Sam & Max Hit the Road

Sam:  1,2,3
Moleman: what are we fighting for
Sam: just checking



From Sam and Max: Hit the Road

Holy Cripes on Toast!!!

Sam: I feel that we have tampered with the fragile inner mechanisms of this
space ship we call Earth.
Max:If we have to  destroy the entire west coast area just so some sweaty,
quazzy creatures can have a safe heavan for their digusting lifestyles? So be


Sam: Hello Friends! Today on sam & Max is the Steamy Seamy World of Animals!
     Join us as we put a few of theses crass critters on the hot seat and stick
     around for what should be an un settiling confrontation between predator and
     prey right max?
Max: Thats right sam-and later we'll bring out a somali wild ass so we can
     all snicker at its name,All this on S&M!


I don't normally add sigs to anything(mail and newsgroups incl), but I just had 
to because it was just too cool. -Ed

From:Nick Tortorelli

"I have been authorized by the jurisdiction of whatever city this is to
punish you in whatever way I can think of!" - Max

  __            __ 
 /  \          /  \    *======================================
|   |          |   |   * Nick "Anonymous" Tortorelli
| ( |          | ) |   *
| ( |          | ) |   *--------------------------------------
|   |          |   |   * The Maple HATE page!
 \  | ________ |  /    *
  \ \/        \/ /     *--------------------------------------
   /  O      O  \      * "Tis the harmless little bunny..."
   \/\/\/\/\/\/\/      * "Look at the bones! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
   \/\/\/\/\/\/\/      *  RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
    \__________/       *======================================


*First Quotes from the TV show*

Here are some quotes from: 
Sam and Max: Freelance Police, The animated Series

Sam: Boiled....
Max: Haggis!!!

Max: I can't believe I said "Chill"!

Sam: Now what kind of person would flame-bomb kittens?
Max: Here, Let me...

Max: Its been days since my last brush with death, and I'm already feeling
Sam: Try eating a cookie.

Max: Isn't it ingenious that we built this entire sled using giant french
fries and spit?  


Sam: "Holy jumping weasel critters on a hot cross bun!  Look at that!"

Sam: "Lookie there Max.  It's a horde of murderous innerdwellers."
Max: "When they're 5 or more, the correct term is a clot!"

Sam: "I think it's high time we threw the perverbial wrench into the works, don't
     you think Max?"
Max: "I'll say, now I can finally ditch this thing!"
Sam: "Max, I never knew you were a marsupial?"
Max: "Me either, whatever that is!"
			-From the episode "Big Trouble At The Earth's Core"


Sam: "Holy jumping Jack Smelt in a rented hamster suit.  We're on our way!"

Max: "...and look, baby alligators."
Sam: "Well, they're buoyant and logged shaped, but they're no alligators."
Max: "I think I'm gonna be sick."
			-From the episode "They Came From Down There"


>From Clark McCasland

>From Animated Series:

Sam:  We were drawn by the fine sound of sharp metal being drawn.
Max:  It's like the song of the sirens to us!

>From Sam and Max:  On the Road

Max:  I wonder if the motorcycles are still under the car...

>From Hit the Road:

Sam:  Hey!  Look at that wierd animal!  Maybe if we laugh at it, it will go

Sam:  We don't go upstairs.
Max:  Yeah.  Not since the accident...

Max:    If it wasn't for the child-
like innocence of this carnival, I'd be busting his kneecaps right about now.


From:George Caswell

"Truly, the gods are smiling upon us this day!"
    "I guess even the gods know a good joke when they see it!"

    (A new guinea pig and Sam, forgot the episode title)

    "What could account for such a bizarre fluctuation in the populace?
War?  Famine?  Rampant Cannibalism?"

    "Oh my god, Sam!  These guys have gills!  Who could have done this,
and how, and why, and..  how do we get some??"

    "Sea chimps??  The bounty of your genius adds up to Sea Chimps??"
    "I'm startin' to LIKE this guy!"

    "Quick!  Press down on the medulla oblongata!  Five bucks says he
smells burnt toast!"

    (^^miscellaneous from "It came from down there")

    "It's either a spreadable meat by-product or...  nesting hamsters!"
    "It is fur-bearing, and that's what throws you."


Submitted byEd Dablin 

Max: "I have a sudden crushing for an umbrella drink"
-Sam & Max Hit The Road


Submitted by Rowan Bartel

From: Hit the road 

Sam: "What do you think we should do with these paper dolls?" 

Max: "I say we go down to the scummy side of town and give some hoods some 


Copyright Mumble Jumble

To protect my interests and those of others, everything is copyright of Steve Purcell, Marlowe & Company, LucasArts, and FOX Kids Network. If I've missed anyone on this, e-mail me and I'll add your name.

Thanx to Jon Lubbe for help with the quotes. Lastly, thanx to everyone who sent me their quotes. Keep 'em coming.

Chase me back to Grafter's Room.

Have more Sam & Max Quotes? E-mail me!