written 4/16/96
well, i finally told my parents that i had learned to ride and gotten a bike. and they took it pretty well. while not being enthusiastic about the prospect of me riding, they weren't condemning me, either.
and it's kinda funny how i managed to tell them. my father had called sunday to see how i was doing, what's new at work, it's my mom's birthday monday, etc. we got to talking about stuff and somehow the subject of rebellion came up and that fact that when the kids are all grown up, it's no longer rebellion. it's called independance. and letting go of your children. i had remarked "oh, i guess that means i can go learn to shoot guns and such" and he replied "it's your life, i have no control over it." to which i said "well, i might as well tell you now, i went and learned to ride a motorcycle." to which he said "i hope you aren't going to buy a bike." ooops. too late. "ummm, i already did." "well, i hope you have a helmet." "duh! of course i do. and gloves, and a motorcycle jacket." and then he asked a bit about the bike and i explained that i had taken the training class for it and was taking things slow and being careful.
this sort of a reaction from my father wasn't what i expected. while we were growing up (i have 2 older brothers and an older sister), my father was more apt to blow his top than my mother (who could get rather pissed off as well). remember, motorcycles is pretty much at the top of the list for taboos for the family. so i expected the worst. and it didn't happen. my father had learned to let go of his child. to let him lead his own life. i think the fact that i live 350 miles away, have lived away from "home" for over 10 years, and have a pretty successful life have all helped. that and the fact that i stressed that i loved him, that he had always done right by me (though it didn't always seem that way at the time), i cared about what he thought and valued his counsel on my life, that i wasn't doing this out of rebellion or to make him mad, but that it was my life and i wanted to do the things that made me happy and this was something i've wanted to do for a long time. i think it all helped. his concern, like all parents, is that i be careful when riding.
my mother didn't want to talk to me. not because i had confessed my deadly sin. it's just that she wanted me to call on her birthday. in fact, she had wanted this *before* i spoke to my father about the motorcycle. mom is an X-ray tech. she's seen a lot of munched bodies. her experiences of motorcyclists is from the emergency room. so her reaction probably wasn't going to be the best.
and when i called yesterday, i got my second surprise. she didn't blow her top either. another parent learns to let go. i once again explained about the safety training class. and that i had had a helmet, gloves and motorcycle jacket. her only request (other than that i be careful) was to carry a card with her name and phone number in case of an accident. she asked (as my father had) when i had gotten the bike, which was 6 weeks ago. i think this made her feel a bit better in that i hadn't been doing this behind her back for a long time. i told her that i didn't wanna say anything 'cause i didn't want to ruin her birthday (which i didn't, she said she had a pretty good one). i told her that i had taken the training class back in novemember and she said "oh i guess you didn't want to ruin Channukah/Thanksgiving either." and we had a good laugh about that.
she asked what kinda bike it was and i had to explain the difference between cruisers, standards, and sport bikes. my bike is a cross between a standard and a cruiser. i explained that cruisers tended to be lower, the foot pegs farther forward, handlebars swept back, and it's a more laid back riding posistion. then i had to explain what a standard is like and as i was explaining about a more upright posistion, she said "oh, like a motorcycle cop's bike, right?" bingo. good example. and then i explained that a sport bike tended to have the rider leaned over more, pegs/shifters more back, and lots of flashy colors.
and once again i stressed that i loved her, valued her thoughts on my life, and that this was done for me, and not to hurt her. and once again, her only concern was that i be careful and safe.
my parents really surprised me here. and i realized how lucky i am to have them. that they can learn to let go and still love a child even if they do something they don't like. it takes a lot to be able to do that. being able to go against your parents wishes also takes a lot. my brother john remarked that it was a sign of maturity in me that i had gone and done this and told them i had done it. sort of a backhanded compliment, i guess. but he's always been more willing to rebel than i have (and there's my brother mike who is more of a black sheep in the family).
it's been a good couple of days.