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WHY THE FOOLS MUST DIE

It's happened to you, no doubt.

You are somewhere public, trying to complete a simple task. Perhaps you are eating in a Dennys. Perhaps you are buying something at Costco. Perhaps you are just driving along on the highway. Then it happens:

Some stupid moron causes a problem. They put their trivial life ahead of your own existence, and as a result they move, however briefly, from the position of 'faceless drone' to 'obstacle'.

The waiter messes up your order. You can't get a refill of coffee because they're "too busy", despite the fact that the restaurant is empty. Some jerk cuts you off with their cart and there's no way around them now. That asshole who is coming up on your tail, flashing his brights, decides to cut around you on the right at about 90 mph just as you start signaling to get out of his way, and he honks wildly as though you're the one endangering everyone on the road.

And you think to yourself: This person must die.

The Scorched Earth Party is here to tell you: Yeah. Go for it.

The basics

Here at the Scorched Earth Party, we are dedicated to a few simple principles:

• that the concept of "life is sacred" is the best joke we've heard this year.
• that nothing satisfies like clubbing some moron to death with a lead pipe.
• that you can never get laid enough.
• that the world will continue to deteriorate until 90% of its population is eliminated.

True happiness will never be yours unless you rise up with us. Join the 10% with the lead pipes. Help save the world through random, messy violence, and then wallow in carnal pleasure among the ruins.

To learn more

Still with us? Good, little worm. It is good to see the light of fascination in your once-dull eyes. You've begun to recognize the truth in what we say. You want to understand your part in all this. Or perhaps you aren't convinced yet, but you accept that our viewpoint is a refreshing change from the drooly, witless mumblings so typical of the current power structures of the world.

The following links should prove enlightening.

• A quick introduction and overview.
• The current version of the Scorched Earth Party FAQ (1.0, dated 1 December 1994)
• Musings and official position papers. The most recent addition was made on: 5 May 95
• Perhaps some talk.bizarre/a.p.s-e posts from others that correctly capture and display the Scorched Earth ideals like the head of a decapitated minotaur slain in a maze, freeing thousands of Grecian fops from yet another generation of terror.
• A few words on happiness and an inspirational example.
• A page of Who's Who in the Scorched Earth (basically, credits).
• The Christmas Story.
• A speech which Jeff Vogel would have given at Smith College, had they been wise enough accept him as their commencement day speaker. They did not. We have plans for Smith. Oh, yes. Plans.
• Two other speeches which eagerly await the light of day: Rutgers graduation and The Proper Use of Power in Today's Society
• A definitive list of our Enemies and a random, ever-changing, capriciously ephemeral list of our Allies.

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