What is the sound of one dog fucking?

Rec.arts.erotica.biblical? (23 Feb 1994)

(for Kaitem)

"Book of Positions"

  1. And there did come into her place of work a new man, a temporary, and his name was Jeremiah. And he was set to the many tasks of his position.
  2. And Sara did look upon him as he did his tasks, and she found his form to be most pleasing. And her thoughts did stray towards sin, but she did not approach him, for she knew the Lord's wrath would be incurred.
  3. And Jeremiah did his tasks swiftly and diligently, for he was strong and stalwart and did labor with all his might, mind, and strength. But his eyes did stray from his work, and he did look upon Sara, and he did covet her, for she was exceedingly fair.
  4. And they did meet by chance at the coffee machine, and they exchanged greetings, and they did introduce themselves to each other, before returning to their tasks.
  5. And Jeremiah's thoughts did linger all day on Sara, and she did think upon him as well, though neither showed it unto the other.
  6. And the first day did end.
  7. And the second day was like unto the first. They did think upon each other, and did gaze upon each other furtively, as they went about their labors. And they did speak unto each other at the coffee machine, but they did not allow their speech to reveal their longings, for they knew the Lord's wrath would be upon them if they sinned.
  8. And the second day did end.
  1. And Satan came unto Sara on the second night, and he shewed unto her many things, and she was sorely tempted.
  2. And in the morning, she did enter the storage room, and she called unto Jeremiah, saying, Come help me in the storage room. And Jeremiah called back, saying, What do you need? And she did reply, Oh, just a few things.
  3. And he entered the storage closet, and the door was shut, and locked, and the light was dim. And Jeremiah moved forward, saying, What do you need help with? And Sara did back against him, and his hands were upon her legs, and there was much heat there. And he said, Tempt me not.
  4. But Sara cast off her raiments, and said, Look upon me, son of Derek. And he did, and he was sorely tempted, and they did lay together.
  5. And then she did clothe herself, and they left the closet, and went back to their tasks, and neither did say another word to the other that day. And they knew that they had committed sin, and they were much afraid.
  1. And on the fourth day, Jeremiah avoided Sara, knowing that she would tempt him again. And Sara's thoughts were of sin through the entire day. And after work, she did meet him by his car, and did whisper in his ear, and he was tempted again.
  2. And they did enter his car, and she did rend his garments. And she administered pleasure unto him with her mouth, and his seed was spilled upon the upholstery.
  3. And they did drive to an inn by the road. And Jeremiah said, This is wrong. But he did not resist, and instead he did rend her garments, and cast off his raiments, and they did lay together. And they committed all manner of foul sin: even blasphemy, and sodomy, and idolatry, and bestiality.
  4. And the Lord God came down in the form of a scathing pox, which did manifest upon their flesh, and they suffered many grievous wounds. And Sara was angry, and did cry out blasphemies against the Lord God, and was struck down.
  5. And Jeremiah did fall upon his knees, and he did beg for forgiveness, saying, Oh Lord God, I was tempted, even as Adam was tempted in the Garden. And the Lord was pleased, and the pox was lifted from his body. And Jeremiah married a rich widow and was blessed with many children.

Re: clitoris envy (4 Mar 1994)

our lady of perpetual amazement wrote:
>they wish they had an organ that was
>exclusively used for sex.

He adjusts the stops and looks to her over his shoulder again. Will two feet be long enough? Four? No, he thinks. Two eight-footers and a sixteen. Yes. No, still not long enough. If only there was a thirty-two footer.

"Length isn't important," she says from the bed. "It's all about technique."

He picks up the second volume of Bach's Wohltempiert Klavier. It makes for adequate foreplay.

Boredwok (5 Apr 1994)

They manufacture her by the dozen and seed her throughout the spring break crowd. Blonde. High school? Probably. Plaid, ruffled bikini top. Frayed denim shorts. Dusting of freckles. Cute. They stamp her out in a mold and release her in quantity. There's one. What's her name? Rebecca, she says. She giggles when you nod knowingly, and her lips wrap around the end of her straw to draw out some more Slurpee. She disappears into the crowd behind you and, five minutes later, she is ahead of you again. The plaid is pink and green this time, not blue and lavender. What's her name? Sandy, she says. She tosses the stray hair from her cheek and catches a bit of cotton candy with the end of her tongue. She's everywhere. They make damn sure of it. Every year's model is better than the last.

Re: Where are the single women? (27 Nov 1994)

Yes, sadly, I am understanding your problem, I see, yes, you too have the problem with No Single Women, everywhere, yes, everywhere I am looking it is the Multiple Women, not Single, they come in threes and fives and sevens, bug-like, hive-like, it is to fear, the Multiple Women, even my Trool Uv, she is Multiple, not Single at all, she is Multiple like the others, so many, so many Multiple Women, I have learned to accept Multiple, not look for Single any more, but perhaps you are not so strong, must continue search for Single, I hope for you, I wish you luck, so few Single Women anymore, good luck. Good luck with the Single Women.

Soft Pore Corn (1 Dec 1994)

They entwined in the field,
hidden by the mist and the dark,
stamen pressed to stamen,
warm and golden, yes.

The doctors came and they said
This shouldn't be happening in a world of science

	There were tests
	And experiments
	but they fled to a far place
	and their love grew stronger

They mingled in the dirt,
as the sunlight engulfed them,
leaves smooth over stalks,
bright and green, yes.

The farmers came and they said
This cannot be allowed in a world of faith

	There was fire
	And sharp blades
	Which cut them down and ground them up
	and the land grew richer

They mingled in the soil,
as the seasons rolled over,
with sprouts starting in their remains,
and the world full of life, yes.

Elfsex (19 Apr 1994)

The worst kind. Little prepubescent bodies filled with candy. Break 'em open and slurp down their immortal juices. Look at the glow!

Never try it again, though. Like fucking a pinata. Never know whether the stuff in the head is sugar-free.

Bargain (9 May 1994)

She was willing to let me watch under certain conditions. I gave her my sweet young thing and watched them do battle. It was good. I took copious notes, for next time, if there is one.

But ah, see, this is where I fear the mortal blow was dealt. My little one has always had a weakness for crimson. I will nurse her back to health, but that one has always played for keeps. Sometimes I think she does this to mock me.

Let her; I will always have my memories.

Hot for teacher (10 May 1994)

Your grade will be based on the following: 600 points total, of which 150 will come from the five 30-point quizzes; 150 from the final; 100 for the midterm, 100 for the thesis paper, and 100 from in-class participation. For those students who fuck better than they study, these points may be scored in other ways. Manual and oral gratification of the instructor may qualify as a quiz; sleeping with your professor can be used to replace the midterm, thesis, and in-class participation, at the rate of one of the three per such get-together. Students may find that by working together, everyone's grades may be improved. Those of you with some skill in bondage, or the ambition to learn, may elect to skip the final and instead visit the master's dungeon. These are your professor's office hours. One would be wise to heed them.

Word association (6 Jul 1994)

HER: Artichoke

HIM: Heart

HER: Tube

HIM: Ligation

HER: Litigation

HIM: Lawyer

HER: Demon

HIM: Wind

HER: Stretch

HIM: Pants

HER: Gasps

HIM: Moans

HER: Sex

HIM: Sex

HER: Sex

HIM: Sex

Re: Swinging Clubs: Find out about any? (9 Aug 1994)

DaleTSmith <**********@aol.com> wrote:
>So let me know about your experiences at swinging clubs, or with
>alternative sex in general!

Bitch-blood flies, spraypaint from her arteries, underground, this is WAY down there, the babies taste it, they are being trained, let them know from the start, knife, next one, organs, protrusions, removal, incest, twin daughters, guard dog, something buzzing in my ear it seems but really it's the stuff in my blood, don't remember what they called it, hormonal, my girlfriends, both of them dueling, not each other though, that's another time, the redhead has challenged them, take pictures, photo CD, URL's that you will never be given access to, hunt you down and kill you at our next meeting, feed, feed, feed.

Goldfish porn (26 May 1998)

>"Look at the rack on that roe!"

The key difference between fish porn and human porn is that in human porn, the money shot is at the end-- the male pulls out at the last second and sprays white milky stuff all over the female, and the camera lingers on the sight of the pearly beads of goo on undulating flesh.

In fishy porn, the money shot comes at the beginning, as the male ejects a cloud of white milky stuff everywhere. Then the female deliberately swims into it and the camera lingers on the sight of thick smears of goo on twitching scales.

All of which means, basically, that fish porn tends to be even shorter in duration than human porn, since there's not much point in continuing past the money shot, is there? Not to mention the fact that the attention span of a fish is barely long enough to achieve arousal and ejaculation, anyway. It's a wonder the little fuckers reproduce at all.

But screw all that. Fish porn is so 80's. Nowadays it's all mantis snuff.

Re: Best pick up line heard to date (28 Sept 1999)

Jennifer Luffman <********@webtv.net> wrote:
>The man who goes after my soul and my brain will be the one to win my heart...

The man who goes after your soul is going to be completely disinterested in the meat-package that surrounds it, believe you me, and the man who goes after your brain is just going to be putting it into a cannister for shipment to Yuggoth. Nobody wants your heart except routine serial murders with really pathetic trophy needs.

What it boils down to is the fact that your hot, fuckable, tight, pouty, petite little porn-star bod doesn't mean shit to the people who deal in the real exotic stuff, not even as a brief and meaningless physical distraction while waiting for the Baleful Eye to turn and open, allowing passage beyond the Threshold.

Have a nice day, while it lasts. We're going to be going after your time pretty soon.

The flexible jock's dilemma (10 Sept 2000)

So what I want to know is... am I gay?

No, wait, I think maybe you need some more context than that. Okay. So, see, I've been doing a lot of training lately, like crunches and squats and stuff, and it's gotten me in really good shape. I've gotten really limber and stuff. So, see, the other day I was doing my usual routine and I was on the floor bending a bunch and I noticed that if I just bent a little farther, I could, um... Well, see, it was really, er, active at the time and it's been a while since I had a girlfriend. But it was really mostly accidental. I just wanted to see if I could, really, and, well, I could. So, uh, I did. And now I have one of those, what are they called, a dilemma. 'Cause it was, you know, like jerking off, right? And jerking off is totally a guy thing, it's not gay at all. I mean, some guys even jerk off around other guys and still say it's not gay. I don't know that I agree with that, but I don't do that anyway. But I jerk off all the time. It's totally straight. So looking at it that way, I'm totally straight. But, on the other hand, I had a guy's dick in my mouth, and no way is that anything but gay! Totally gay! Sure, it was my own dick, but even so... I mean, I didn't just do it a little bit. By the end, I think I was starting to get pretty good at it, with, like, tongue and stuff, like a total fag would do it. So now I'm all confused about what I should do next. I mean, I'm totally going to do it more, even though it's hell on my abs. But should I also be, like, checking out other guys now and stuff? Maybe even just to exchange tips and suggestions? Or should I just stick with girls but not let them know what I can do? 'Cause they probably wouldn't understand.

Maybe this would be easier to figure out if I put my cheerleader uniform on for a little while. Things always seem a lot simpler when I do that.