Geek Purity Test

Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
The "submit" button is at the bottom.

  1. First: Social Questions
    1. Have you avoided going to a dance, or party, so you could be on-line?
    2. Do you stay home whole weekends, only talking to a person through the use of a telecommuncations device (AKA: modem)?
    3. Would you rather use your computer than hang out with your girl/boy friend?
    4. Have you ever preferred to type a message to someone than to talk to them in fear of sounding like a total moron?
    5. Do you not have a girl/boyfriend?
    6. Have you ever given up sex to use your computer?
    7. Have you ever yelled at someone to leave you alone, and not talk to you, so you could use your computer?
    8. Do you relate better to computers than to people?
    9. Can you write a GUI, but not write a letter to your girl/boyfriend?
    10. Do you know more about computers than the human body?
    11. Do you think Eliza had a great personality?
    12. Was Dr. Sbaitso a great therapist?
    13. Do you wish that there was a computer interface between you and the rest of the world?
    14. Have you ever had Cybersex?
    15. Do you like your computer more than life itself?
    16. Do you treat your computer better than your significant other?
    17. Do you spend more money on your computer than your significant other?
    18. Would you rewrite the rules of dating to include classes and inheritance?
    19. Is your .plan larger than your list of girl/boyfriends?
    20. Do you talk to your computer more than your significant other?
    21. Would you rather live with other geeks than live at home (parents house)?
    22. Do you know more computer languages than verbal languages?
    23. Can you recite more programming commands than words in the English language?
    24. Do you read Dr. Dobbs Journal more than the newspaper?
    25. Do you have more modems than people's phone numbers (not counting computers)?
    26. Does DOOM get you more excited than your girl/boyfriend?
    27. Do you stay up longer to finish a program than to have sex?

  2. Second : Computing Questions
    1. Do you own an XT or higher?
    2. Do you own a modem?
    3. Do you own more than 1 modem?
    4. -- more than 5?
    5. -- more than 10?
    6. -- more than 50?
    7. Do you have 1 or more computers?
    8. -- more than 5?
    9. -- more than 10?
    10. -- more than 25?
    11. Do you reprogram your keyboard into your own custom layout?
    12. Do you have logo stickers on your computer (not counting Int*l Ins*de(tm)?
    13. Is your monitor bigger than your TV?
    14. Is your hard disk bigger than your bank account (not counting cents)?
    15. Do you have more mice than a laboratory?
    16. Is your computer bigger than a suitcase?
    17. -- is it due to you customizing it for more 'features'?
    18. -- is it because the amplifier looked so lame in the walnut vaneer cabinet?
    19. -- is it because you have a computer operated saftey deposit box?
    20. -- is it due to an extra power supply to operate the 8-inch drive?
    21. Is the power supply to your computer out side of the case, because it wouldn't fit inside (wrong one, but it works)?
    22. Is your keyboard so dirty that people have complemented how cool the charcoal gray looks with your black tower case?
    23. Is your computer's case size comparitive to your manhood (a phallic symbol)?
    24. Is your monitor so dirty that there are plants growing in the dust?
    25. Do you know 1 or more programming languages?
    26. -- more than 5?
    27. -- more than 10?
    28. -- more than 20?
    29. Have you made up your own programming language to get the robust function set that you couldn't find anywhere else?
    30. Do you know less than 10 online users in real life?
    31. -- less than 8?
    32. -- less than 5?
    33. -- less than 3?
    34. -- less than 1!?
    35. Do you have the most expensive disk controller you could find?
    36. Do you have a 286?
    37. Do you have a 386?
    38. Do you have a 486?
    39. Do you have a P5?
    40. Do you have an Alpha?
    41. Do you have a MIPS Architecture computer?
    42. Do you *not* have a 68000 based architecture computer?
    43. Do you run a full time Internet machine?
    44. Is your personal Internet connection a 28.8 or less SLIP/PPP connection?
    45. -- 64k or more?
    46. -- 128k or more?
    47. -- 384k or more?
    48. -- 1536k or more?
    49. -- 45MBps or more?
    50. -- 100MBps or more?
    51. -- 1GBps or more?
    52. Do you have a house network?
    53. Does it contain 2 or more computers?
    54. -- more than 5?
    55. -- more than 10?
    56. -- more than 20?

  3. Last : Personal Habits
    1. Is your desk a mess?
    2. Do you have empty soda cans all around you?
    3. Do you stay up into the wee hours of the morning?
    4. Is your room messier before an earthquake?
    5. Do you shower less than once a week?
    6. -- twice a week?
    7. -- every other day?
    8. -- every day?
    9. -- multiple times a day?
    10. Do you change your underware less than once a week?
    11. -- less than twice?
    12. -- every other day?
    13. -- every day?
    14. Do you comb your hair?
    15. Do you change your sheets less than once a month?
    16. -- less than twice?
    17. -- every week?
    18. Have you worn one pair of clothes all week?
    19. -- month?
    20. -- year!?
    21. Have you put on deoderant less than once in the past month?
    22. -- less than twice?
    23. -- less than every week?
    24. -- less than every day?
    25. Do you eat your boogers?
    26. Do you hawk loogies?
    27. Do you blow 'snot-rockets'?
    28. Do you adjust yourself in public?
    29. Do you try to make farts really loud?
    30. Have you ever lit a fart in the intent to make a flame thrower?
    31. -- did it work?
    32. Do you piss all ove toilet seats in public places?
    33. -- at home?
    34. Do you not flush the toilet when you use it?
    35. Does your sink have crusty plates and dishes in it?
    36. -- are they older than a week old?
    37. Do you leave the floss in the sink when your done?
    38. Do you wipe your boogers on your clothes?
    39. Do you want to get married?
    40. Do you make rude and digusting noises in bed for your own enjoyment?
    41. Do you recite program listings in your sleep?
    42. Do you read literature while on the throne?
    43. Have you ever figured out the solution to a programming problem while in the shower?
    44. -- did it work?
    45. Do you know the ASCII code by heart?
    46. Can you convert more than 3 bases in your head?

The more yes answers you give, the more Geek you are. If you got 0%, then you too can work for UCSC. >] Some of the personal hygiene questions have a little bit less to do with being a geek than the others.
This Geek Purity Test was written by