Login: feyd           			Name: Chad Lynn
Directory: /u/feyd                  	Shell: /bin/tcsh
No unread mail
I was going to write something about Nihilism, but what's the point?
     For those of you who actually care where I'm from, just look 
across the bay south. You see that last small piece of land,
just before you start looking across the Pacific itself? That's 
Pacific Grove, CA. The inference should be obvious. I was born 
there in 1971. I love [no current gf] the color black, leather,
beer, cigarettes, industrial/gothic/deathmetal/funk/thrash, the
numbers 42 and 13 and lots of other things too. I'm tall, pale,
and dress ALMOST exclusively in black and white.


"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of 
the human mind to correlate all its contents.  We live on a placid 
island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it 
was not meant that we should voyage far.  The sciences, each straining 
in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little;  but some day 
the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such 
terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, 
that we shall either go mad from the relevation or flee from the
deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."
         -H.P. Lovecraft, "The Call of Cthulhu"


Drinking Tips, #1:

If you are conducting an experiment to see how much Absolut vodka you
can fit in your mouth in one go:

1) Don't swallow it
	If you fail at the first:
2) Don't repeat the experiment again and again in the name of science.


Drinking Tips, #2:

OK, you've got one final left, you know you'll do at least decently,
but you can't wait to start celebrating your temporary freedom from
classes. What do you do? 

Well, if the classroom is big enough, and you carry some sort of bookbag
or backpack around, the answer should be obvious:


You should be able to pull it off, if you are sly enough, and if the
professor doesn't walk around the classroom during the final. Even if
he does, what is he going to do, flunk you?


     .... NO! ...                  ... MNO! ...    
   ..... MNO!! ...................... MNNOO! ...     
 ..... MMNO! ......................... MNNOO!! . 
    ...... ! MMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPOOOOIII! ! ...    
    ....... MMMMM..    OPPMMP    .,OMI! ....
     ...... MMMM::   o.,OPMP,.o   ::I!! ...    
         .... NNM:::.,,OOPM!P,.::::!! ....      
          .. MMNNNNNOOOOPMO!!IIPPO!!O! .....     
         ... MMMMMNNNNOO:!!:!!IPPPPOO! ....
           .. MMMMMNNOOMMNNIIIPPPOO!! ......       
          ...... MMMONNMMNNNIIIOO! .........         
       ....... MN MOMMMNNNIIIIIO! OO ..........
    ......... MNO! IiiiiiiiiiiiI OOOO ...........
  ...... NNN.MNO! . O!!!!!!!!!O . OONO NO! ........    
   .... MNNNNNO! ...OOOOOOOOOOO .  MMNNON! .......            
   ...... MNNNNO! .. PPPPPPPPP .. MMNON! .......        
      ...... OO! ................. ON! .......          


And now a Reading from the Book of NetLaw,
Re:  the Resort Prom (1993)

"....it is so written in the book of NetLaw...
 ....and in the years to come a ritual will occur below the sea,
     and the clothes will be as black as night and the
     creatures of the Abyss shall glow with an unearthly hue
 ....and so it shall pass that the people of the land shall
     feast upon Fingers of Sugar, and will cry woe and yea
     and woe and woah...
 ....and a choir shall sing and dance, spreading discord and dynne
     until the Holy Baptizing in the Pool of Eternal
     Verdant Fecundance....
 ....and so too shall pass the Rite of the Pig's Blood and the
     Rite of the Spurned Duckie who shall be named unto as Phil...
 ....and so too shall the maiden of this ritual spring forth into
     reality and walk amongst mortals, in the guise of a hopeful
 ....and in the time of the Third Hour, so shall fall the
     Citadel of the Kraken and of the Behemoth, and the Sacred
     Lantern shall crack in the Storm of Storms...."



                                   __    _
                              _wr""        "-q__
                           _dP                 9m_
                         _#P                     9#_
                        d#@                       9#m
                       d##                         ###
                      J###                         ###L
                      {###K                       J###K
                      ]####K      ___aaa___      J####F
                  __gmM######_  w#P""   ""9#m  _d#####Mmw__
               _g##############mZ_         __g##############m_
             _d####M@PPPP@@M#######Mmp gm#########@@PPP9@M####m_
            a###""          ,Z"#####@" '######"\g          ""M##m
           J#@"             0L  "*##     ##@"  J#              *#K
           #"               `#    "_gmwgm_~    dF               `#_
          7F                 "#_   ]#####F   _dK                 JE
          ]                    *m__ ##### __g@"                   F
           `                       0######_                      '
                .              _d#####^#####m__              ,
                "*w_________am#####P"   ~9#####mw_________w*"
                    ""9@#####@M""           ""P@#####@M""


[ My_Dream_Date ] Message 115 (6 left): Wed May 5, 1993  12:45am
From: Lady in Black (akasha@am)

banshee: tied up and ready to be bitten....
no, actually, something more along the lines of something tall, dark, and
incredibly sexy waiting somewhere for me to pass by whereupon I get attacked
and turned into "dinner".
Something about moonlight...
the moon must be getting full...I have this incredible desire for
nibbling on death-pale flesh...
...and having it nibble back. Perhaps this has something to do with the
crypt incident of last weekend....

*wanders off to ponder under the light of the moon*

From: akasha@cats.UCSC.EDU
Date: Sun, 9 May 93 17:53:47 -0700
To: hellcat@ucscb.UCSC.EDU

My dream date:
.....is sitting over *there*....I can't quite reach him, but I can stare
longingly at those _eyes_.....devil's eyes in an angel's face.
Sitting on the wharf at sunset, trading backrubs and bits of conversation...
....being nibbled on gently as the waves crash around us....
...watching the moon creep over the trees and through the curtains to land
on skin paler than snow....illuminating it like marble come to life....
.....and then he opens his eyes.....and I am no more.


From: banshee
One must experience corruption to know corruption.

From:  jonl
i'm sure that's what you use to lure people
at faire to kiss you.

From: banshee
        Certainly not!
        Thats what I use to bed them.

*:System Interrupt |Too Much Banshee-Bashing:*
*:Attempt No Crimes|            Must Be Fair:*
*:We Are Watching  |     Bash Yam In General:*
*:That Is All      |  Also, Be Wierd in Fnet:*
*:          Go About Your Business          :*
*:            Nothing To See Here           :*
*:Your Command, My Baron?>rm corruption     :*
*:rm: remove corruption? y                  :*
*:Your Command, My Baron?>yam -n            :*
*:yam -n: command not found                 :*

In the beginning, there was nothing. And the Lord moved across the face
of the void, and said:'Let there be light!!!' And there was still 
nothing, but now you could see it.


Damn, this finger file is getting big
I must have the Gristle Syndrome


Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
                -- Dorothy Parker


       Ce'haiie ep-ngh fl'hur G'harne fhtagn,
         Ce'haiie fhtagn ngh Shudde-M'ell;
            Hai G'harne orr'e ep fl'hur,
 Shudde-M'ell ican-icanicas fl'hur orr'e G'harne

              *'              `*
            ,' \~=._      _.=~/ ',
            7   \   ~=__=~   /   T
            |    \_.=~  ~=._/    |
            |_.=~ \        / ~=._|
            `.      \    /      .'
              *,     \  /     ,*
        I'a Cthulhu! I'a Shub-Internet!


[ Odd_Situations ] Message 193  Sun Oct 31, 1993  6:18pm
From: dances-with-idiots (hellcat@am)
Subject: last night (peanuthaus halloween party)

found myself screaming "I LOVE HER" to Banshee
I was laying in his lap, and looking at Akasha
I glanced at John and he had a VERY startled look on his face
sorry John, I was having lots o'fun

[ Odd_Situations ] Message 194  Sun Oct 31,1993   6:43pm
From: Wailer at the Gates of Dawn (banshee@am)

	you were very cute and funny
	and drunk as a louse


 No way I'm wasting MY gnarly bud on some wanna-b-cops
 and then jen would come by and start LICKING it and EATING IT UP!
 oh. hi there
 charming, isn't it?
 so, when you gonna dump that feyd dude and sleep with US, HUH?
 Make me a better offer, I'll consider it.
 how big is his cock anyhow?
 bigger than yours, i'm sure.
 well then, how long is *yours*?
 Big enough to pee with
 as wide as a beer can and as long as TWO!
 and, i chop down trees regularly.


Message from akasha@am.ucsc.edu on ttysf at 23:16 ...
I cannot type
I cannot think
I can only fuck


"If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would
be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call
you to say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be be expected to throw
another party next year.

What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake up
several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've
been indicted for anything.  You want your guests to be so anxious to
avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning
parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from
having another one ...

If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door, unless
your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas
through your living room window.  As host, your job is to make sure
that they don't arrest anybody.  Or if they're dead set on arresting
someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you ..."

Somehow, the resort sprang to mind when reading this,
maybe because I don't remember how the hell a certain thing
ended up in my jacket, nor even how I got home...


MAYNARD: Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One.
BROTHER: "And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying,
 'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow
 thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'  And the Lord did grin, and
 people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovys,
 and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large --"
MAYNARD:  Skip a bit, Brother.
BROTHER:  "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the
 Holy Pin.  Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.  Three
 shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting
 shalt be three.  Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two,
 excepting that thou then proceed to three.  Five is right out.  Once
 the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou
 thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty
 in my sight, shall snuff it.'"
ALL:  Amen.
ARTHUR:  Right!  One... two... five!
???:  Three, sir!
ARTHUR:  Three!


 *is now tranked to the gills*
 fdv b
 you have GILLS?
 (sssshhhhhh, you're not supposed to tell)
 some people do i hear..
<*akasha*> no wonder you can hold your breath in the shower like that.



Catapultam habeo.
Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.


I have a catapult.
Unless you give me all (your) money, I will drop a huge rock
on your head.


Message from akasha@am.ucsc.edu on ttyt1 at 18:26 ...
Tired of being alone in a world of billions?
Call now
1-800-THE BORG
and Join


From: dances-with-idiots (hellcat@am)
*I* am a slave!
I go where she says to
I do what she tells me to
I do what she wants me to
most of the time
I'm a bad slave
I should be beaten


	Dough.. I use, to buy my beer..
	Ray.. the guy I buy it from..
	Me.. the guy I buy it for..
	Far.. the distance to the store..
	So.. I think I'll have another beer...
	La... lalalalalaaa..
	Tea?  no thanks I'll have a beer...
	and that brings me back to...


[ yam ] Message 4213 (12 left): Thu Feb 24, 1994  10:39am
From: Cindy "Will Deconstruct for Food" Dutra (lafolle@resort.com)
Subject: snozer
25 lines (?)

        I think that's COMPLETELY true.
        Why did I get my ucscb account?
        So I could play mtrek and ularn.
        What was my first posting experience?
        Mtrek forum.
        Where did I meet my first fellow geeks?
        Between Vulcan and Starbase 4.
        How did I learn to interact with them?
        Shoot first, insult their mother later.
        What has changed about this relationship?
        Now they come to my house and drink my beer first.

                                        --- The Madwoman

From: Wailer at the Gates of Dawn (banshee@resort.com)


From: Mr. Curtain (curtain@am)
Subject: ^^^



[Aha!  I have returned from the space-time-cheetos vortex, and now you shall
face my...]
[I don't think so.]
[What???? You're... me!  How?  This isn't another clone, is it?]
[Nope.  You went through a space _time_ cheetos vortex, you num.  You've
travelled through time to several years _after_ you escaped from the vortex]
[What????  That doesn't make any sense!]
[Exactly.  Our self from the future ought to be here any...]
[Aha!  I have returned from the...oh bloody hell.]


(during a conversation between akasha(Jenn) and banshee(John))

 well fuck JENN at least I'm not dating some lame guy who looks
 like the lead singer of the DAMNED


 akasha: well you know that boyfriend of yours?
 yeah. him. I think I know him.
 toe sucking is overrated.
 *I* am overrated
 douglas is underrated
 akasha: well we were lovers befopre you got together and now
 I'm going to kill you for taking him away from me
 *scribbles furiously in notebook*
 *in russian*
 OH GOD BANSHEE I NEVER KNEW nobody ever told me I would have
 never dated him if I had know you still felt so strongly about
 what huh douglas sucking is overrated wait what is this?
 douglas should have sucked on my toe last night
 leek: actually we waited until you left and THEN toe sucked
 banshee: jerk
 Leek:  Your toe was no where near me
 banshee: so, like, do you want him back or can I play with
 him a bit longer?
 akasha: you can fuck the little slut all you like.


[ Guns ] Message 295 (0 left): Fri June 10, 1994  2:47pm
From: Wailer at the Gates of Dawn (banshee@resort.com)
Subject: sheesh
3 lines (?)

you guys are all fucking freaks


[ Out-of-Context ] Message 218 (0 left): Sun Aug 7, 1994  9:14pm
From: *x*n* (edie@netcom15.netcom.com)
Subject: hrm

last night:
r*b*n* to a certain kitty cat:  "DO -ME- HARDER, CH*D!!"


	NIETZSCHE- "On Ethics"

	"Schopenhauer's ethics is often criticized for not having the 
form of an imperative.
	What the philosophers call charachter is an incurable disease.
An imperative ethics is one that deals with the symptoms of the disease,
having the faith, while it fights them, that it is getting rid of the
real origin, the basic evil. Anyone who would base practical ethics on
aesthetics would be like a physician who would fight only those symptoms
which are ugly and offend good taste.
	Philosophically viewed, it makes no difference whether a charachter
expresses itself or whether its expressions are kept back: not only the 
thought but the dispostion already makes the murderer; he is guilty without
any deed. On the other hand, there is an ethical aristocracy just as there
is a spiritual one: one cannot enter it by recieving a title or by marriage.
	In what way, then, are education, popular instruction, catechism,
justified and even necessary?
	The unchangeable character is influenced _in its expressions_ by its
environment and education--not in its essence. A popular ethics therefore
wants to suppress bad expressions as far as possible, for the sake of the
general welfare--an undertaking that is strikingly similar to the police.
The means for this is a religion with rewards and punishments: for the 
expressions alone matter. Therefore the catechsim can say: Thou shalt not
kill! Thou shalt not curse! etc. Nonsensical, however, is an imperative:
"Be good!" as well as, "Be wise!" or "Be talented!"
	The "general welfare" is not the sphere of the truth; for truth
demands to be declared even if it is ugly and unethical.
	If we admit, for example, the truth of the doctrine of Schopenhauer
(but also of Christianity) concerning the redemptive power of suffering,
then it becomes regard for the "general welfare" not only not to lessen 
suffering, but perhaps even inrease it--not only for oneself but also for
others. Pushed to this limit, practical ethics becomes ugly--even consistent
cruelty to human beings. Similarly, the effect of Christianity is unnerv-
ing when it commands respect for every kind of magistrate, etc., as well
as acceptance of all suffering without any attempt at resistance."


## Ahhhh... My old enemy, we meet again. ##
[+ What the hell?  You're dead!  I saw the body!  In fact, I personally 
   smashed it into a pulp with a baseball bat and ran it through the 
   atomizers.  I saw the bloody script, and you're dead dead DEAD! +] 
## Yes, but I'm the villain.  ##
[+ Oh, right.  Dammit. +]

Stigmata Martyr

In a crucifixation ecstasy
Lying cross chequed in agony
Stigmata bleed continuously
Holes in head hands feet, and weep for me.

Stigmata oh you sordid sight
Stigmata in your splintered plight
Look to your crimson orifice
In holy rememberance
In scarlet bliss

Stigmata Martyr



Nerve ends tick in flicker book animation
One eye's closed in fear, anticipation
Will it stay shut?  Will it ever open?
What if?
What if?

Tell tale tongues lick at seven senses
Brittle spittle sparks you are defenceless
The fabric of dreams is ripped apart
As you feel the twist of the shadowed dagger
In your pumping heart

Nerves like nylon, Nerves like steel
Nerves like nylon, Nerves like steel
Nerves like nylon, Nerves like steel

A trail of random cutlery cuts a dash in the concrete underpass
Sense of serenity is shattered in the glint of splintered glass.



Nerves like nylon, Nerves like steel
Nerves like nylon, Nerves like steel
Nerves like nylon, Nerves like steel


"Too many compromises.  You want to watch the corounet tournament, she wants
to listen to music.  So you 'compromise':  you listen to music.  You like
Earth jazz, she prefers Klingon opera.  So you 'compromise': you listen to
Klingon opera.  So, here you were, ready to have a nice night watching the
corounet match, and you wind up spending an agonizing evening listening to
Klingon opera."
       - Odo's soliloquy on women (Deep Space Nine)


BEFORE SLEEPING (written summer of '92)

Three days without sleep and the people in the ceiling are laughing in
the lights of the squid boats out in the bay; I blink and the girl with 
the death's-head moth tattooed on her hip asks me if I love her as the
ducks on the lake shiver and shake with a voodoo fascination; I close
my eyes, shake my head, try to clear my thoughts and when my eyes emerge
from their darkness, I see the smoky strobe atmosphere of a club as a
man with a sleazy lecherous grin eases up beside my friend, hitting on
her with all the subtlety of a jackhammer; I wait till he goes away, and
throw myself into the slampit at a concert I'd been at years before,
driven by the heavy funk bass and the tortured scream of a distorted 
guitar; bodies start to collide and I'm ten years old again, in my first
fight, throwing my fists into the face of a kid I hardly remember, I 
feel the blood start to pump and I'm on the beach in the moonlight,
fumbling in the pants of the first girl I ever screwed, drunk and barely
knowing her name; I hear the grinding snap of a cigarette lighter and 
the forest swims in the half-light as I take another hit off the bong,
three years later I make a pipe from a beer can and suck the smoke from
a chunk of opium the size of my fingernail; I drag some young punk 
around the theater handcuffed to my wrist and then it's another flash
of metal at my wrists as I hold the knife to my skin staring mezmerized
at the chilling simplicity of ending a night of confusion delirium and 
horrible madness; my body pulses with the feverish overstimulation of 
LSD-25 and I can't make it stop I'd give anything maybe even my life if
I could only make it stop I could only make it stop make it stop make it
stop make it stop makeitstop makeitstopmakeitstop....crouched in a fetal
position on the floor not sure whether I'm dreaming or awake it's all
starting to melt into one long torturous reality and I can't deal I can't
deal I can't deal I can't deal I can't deal and finally I realize that I'm
dreaming so I drag myself from my sleep and stare at the walls for a while
to keep my mind from dropping back into dreams; I almost never remember
my dreams maybe 1% recall though I sleep more deeply than most people 
think possible and it's so easy for me to slip off into coma-like trances
where my mind attempts to deal with the hand I've been dealt but won't 
let me know what I've bet or even what the cards are; there's a snake in
my belly and it wants out sometimes I can feel it moving trying to glide
up my throat and I feel its tongue already in my mouth...


%> Hello, I am the font of all knowledge. <%
[+ Say, that must be useful. +]
%> No, mostly it's annoying. <%
[+ How so? +]
%> How would _you_ like knowing exactly what Rosanne thinks about things?  Or 
   the precise details of Michael Jackson's sex life?  Would you like me to 
   tell you what is currently being written on the wall of toilet 37b in 
   central station, New York city, Earth?  How about the current opinions on 
   belly button lint, or... <%
[+ I get the point. +]


	And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?"
	They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the
ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our
very selfhood revealed."
	And Jesus replied, "What?"


All things dull and ugly, All creatures short and squat,
	All things rude and nasty, The Lord God made the lot;
Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp that stings,
	He made their brutish venom, He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous, All evil great and small,
	All things foul and dangerous, The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet, Each beastly little squid,
	Who made the spiky urchin? Who made the sharks? He did.
All things scabbed and ulcerous, All pox both great and small,
	Putrid, foul, and gangrenous, The Lord God made them all.



1.  He had only one major publication.
2.  It was in Hebrew.
3.  It had no references.
4.  It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5.  Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6.  It may be true that he created the world,
    but what has he done since then?
7.  His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8.  The scientific community has had a hard time
    replicating his results.
9.  He never applied to the Ethics Board
    for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up
    by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted,
    he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students
    to read the Book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements,
    most students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually
    held on a mountaintop.


[+ Well then, yet another all-powerful threat to galactic stability utterly 
   and easily defeated by my razor-wit and over-abundant testosterone.  Beam 
   us up, Schlobby. +]
{} But Captain, we're covered in rectoplasmic goo from the siphon beasts of 
   Trog!  Not only will we never get it out of our uniforms, but the 
   transporter room will be trashed! {}
[+ Not to worry, Ensign Spineless.  Schlobby, run transporter program K52 as 
   you beam us up. +]
[* Ey, Captain. *]
{} Which one is that? {}
[+ The one that has the patterns for my clean clothes in it. +]
[* Welcome bahk, Capt...oh arg. *]
[+ Why the long face, Schlobby, someone erase the Sharon Stone program on 
   the Holodeck aga... whoops.  Hrmph, that's unfortunate.  Forgot to tell 
   you there were two of us.  Oh well, at least I've got _two_ sets of clean 
   clothes now... +]


"There are the people of the day, and the creatures of the
night.  And its important to remember that the creatures of
the night aren't simply the people of the day staying up late
because they think that makes them cool and interesting.  It
takes a lot more than heavy mascara and a pale complexion to
cross the divide." - Terry Pratchett _Soul Music_ pg 41.


Sparrowfart: The amount of force necessary to accelerate one hillabeans
of mass at the rate of one pianotoss per while squared.


[ Nocturnal-Cuisine ] Message 4146 (1 left): Sat Oct 22, 1994  9:45am
From: Cute Stupid Cheap Prude Dry Tease (salguod@resort.com)
Subject: new chart with 2 more variables

Added: Lush/Dry and Tease/Cold

		+--------+--------+		+--------+--------+
	leek ->	|  Snob  |  Cheap |		|  Snob  |  Cheap |<- lafolle
		|  Prude |  Prude |		|  Prude |  Prude |
		|  Lush  |  Lush  |		|  Lush  |  Lush  |
		|  Tease |  Tease |		|  Cold  |  Cold  |
		+--------+--------+		+--------+--------+
     banshee ->	|  Snob  |  Cheap |    picori ->|  Snob  |  Cheap |<-curtain
		|  Easy  |  Easy  |<-feyd/	|  Easy  |  Easy  |
		|  Lush  |  Lush  |  hellcat	|  Lush  |  Lush  |
		|  Tease |  Tease |		|  Cold  |  Cold  |
		+--------+--------+		+--------+--------+
      snozer ->	|  Snob  |  Cheap |      angel->|  Snob  |  Cheap |<-queue
		|  Prude |  Prude |<-salguod	|  Prude |  Prude |
		|  Dry   |  Dry   |		|  Dry   |  Dry   |
		|  Tease |  Tease |		|  Cold  |  Cold  |
		+--------+--------+		+--------+--------+
      matthew ->|  Snob  |  Cheap |<-garlick	|  Snob  |  Cheap |
		|  Easy  |  Easy  |	dracon->|  Easy  |  Easy  |
		|  Dry   |  Dry   |		|  Dry   |  Dry   |
		|  Tease |  Tease |		|  Cold  |  Cold  |
		+--------+--------+		+--------+--------+

layla helped come up with the names

 snobby = uppity in the air. you date a snob, you take her to
 expensive restauraunts and dress up blah blah.  cheap you can
 go sit in a coffeehaus or go play frisbee.


--> I'm hooked on Chinese Food
--> I always want Chinese food, and I get irritable when I can't
--> have it
--> sometimes I walk by the Chinese Restaurants, wondering if I
--> could hold them up
--> it'd be worth it, just for a couple pot stickers and some
--> Hunan Beef
--> When I can't get Chinese Food, I eat Ramen
 feyd: WHAT are you babbling about?
--> but it's just not the same
--> sometimes, to make the Chinese food last longer, I mix it with
--> the Ramen
[=Sign-off=] bino (bino@ella.mills.edu) just signed off
--> but this is not as satisfying
--> sometimes I don't even have Ramen, and then I have to hang
--> around outside the restaurants like a dog, begging for
--> leftovers
--> I love Chinese food
--> I'm addicted to it
 just gaze in the window longingly and make people feel bad for
--> "Feyd does King Missile"


 banshee: ticket $?
 leek: dunno
 what was the charge?
 were you meen to the pore lil cop?
 feyd: impersonating an officer with intent to sodomize

 You're dick's slimy anyway.
 but it's got spines
 spines MMMMMMM
 i love a man with a spiny penis 

 I _HATE_ having great programming ideas but needing to leave
 john, that's what "paper" is for.
 I wish I had a laptop 
 i've got a headache.
[=Change=] Beek (beek@ucscb.ucsc.edu) entered group
 come sit on my lap beek
 yeah, he needs a desk *grin*.
 banshee.. again?

 oh no i'm down to my last sixpack
 we're the women of the banshee.... we have big pompons....
 (to the tune of that fight song)
 REALLY hungover
 and stop calling me a drunk!
 anyone want a cookie?
 was rather disappointed. I was hoping for a little intimate
 night with just you and I getting drunk with TONS OF GEEKS.
 I don't kow where you live
 *grabs crowbar*
 *throws cookie*
 *opens banshee further* my god, it's the Maltese Falcon!
 it's a commemorative statuette of liberty!


[ keep ] Message 2360 (0 left): Wed Nov 16, 1994  8:51pm
From: The Madwoman (lafolle@resort.com)
Subject: I like to do the Crypt

After I have the silver key.

Call me traditional, but I like to think that a rank 25+ character
who can beat a demon lord to death with his bare hands CAN OPEN A 


[+ My Dog, Georgi, what did you do?  The Borg ship is falling to pieces!+]
() See this, Captain? ()
[+ Yes... +]
() It's the tiny little screw that holds everything together.  Beta and I 
   beamed over and took it out. ()


                           "What I Believe"
                             Steve Martin

	Oh sure, it's easy to stand out here and jump around and try and be
a...wild and crazy guy. I think there's more to entertaining than that, and
that's why right now, I would like to talk about [voice deepens
melodramatically, emphasizing each word] what I believe.
	[Gentle string music begins to play and continues in background;
	imagine any one of a number of TV shows or movies where a character
	begins to make an impassioned but completely phony speech while his
	cohorts begin to hum "America The Beautiful" and you have the idea.]
What I believe:

I believe in rainbows, and puppy dogs and fairy tales. And I believe
in the family: Mom, and Dad, and Grandma, and Uncle Todd, who waves
his penis.

And I believe in 8 of the Ten Commandments, and I believe in going to
church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.

And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome, and
natural things that money can buy.

And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs",
"jugs", "winnebagos", or "golden bozos". And you should only refer to
them as "hooters".

And I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal, high enough so
you can look up her dress.

And I believe in equality, equality for everyone, no matter how stupid
they are, or how much better I am than they are.

And people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots
are stealing my luggage.

And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story, one-bedroom

And I believe that the "Battle of the Network Stars" should be fought
with guns.

And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once
was: an arctic region, covered with ice.

And I believe the United States should let all foreigners in this 
country, provided they can speak our native language: Apache.

And lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is
nothing worse than the music you are listening to right now.


[ general ] Message 47053 (3 left): Thu Dec 22, 1994  5:05pm
From: she-Wolf (doanna@ucscb)
Subject: last minute gift ideas

Oral Sex.  The gift that keeps on giving if done right.

[ general ] Message 47055 (1 left): Thu Dec 22, 1994  6:28pm
From: The Madwoman (lafolle@resort.com)
Subject: yeah

	Why get your dad some dumb old tie?


          Top Ten Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Jesus

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
 9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
 8. Beer has never caused a major war.
 7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
 6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to
    give them away.
 5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over
    their brand of Beer.
 4. You don't have to wait more than two thousand years for a second Beer.
 3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
 2. You can prove you have a Beer.
 1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you


--> I'm listening to a remnant of my deathrock years...
--> ...I never realized how silly most of the songs on Danzig II were.
 ew FEAR
 didn't realize how silly danzig songs are...  you must have
 been really confused,
--> hey, I was on drugs most of the time
 oh.  alright.,
--> *fwap* Cindy
 mindkiller, buttpoker.  the difference is all academic.
 chad *fwapped* me


this is for when the radio is broken
		and crackles like uranium orchids
this is for when the fohn-wind rattles
		the telegraph wires like a handful of bones
this is for when dream ambulances
		skitter through the streets at midnight
this is for when you get caught in a sleep-riot
		and the sky is out-of-order
this is for when your sex is full of voodoo
this is for when your clothes are imaginary
this is for when your flesh creeps and never comes back


	It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by 
	the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands 
	acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning, it is by 
	caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

	(Alteration of the Mentat Mantra)

All I Know (charles bukowski)

All I know is this: the ravens kiss my mouth
the veins are tangled here,
the sea is made of blood.

All I know is this: the hands are reaching out,
my eyes are closed, my ears are closed,
the sky rejects my scream.

All I know is this: my nostrils drip with dreams
the hounds lap us up, the fools laugh out,
the clock ticks out the dead.

All I know is this: my feet are sorrow here,
my words are less than lilies, my words are clotted now:
the ravens kiss my mouth.


Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could
    think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel.
And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty was
    particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, 'alf a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
    And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
    "I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.


bauhaus - hollow hills 

ancient earthwork, fort and barrow
discreetly hide their secret abodes
the most fearful hide deep inside
and venture not there opon yuletide

for invasion of their hollow hills
that music hold, and oberon fill
is surely recommended not
for fear of death, in fear of rot

hollow hills (x4)

baleful sunds and wild voices ignored
ill luck, disaster, the one reward
violated sanctity of supermen's hills
so sad, love lies there still, so sad- so sad
hollow hills, hollow hills
witches too, and goblin too and speckled sills
lament, repent, oh mortal you
so sad, so sad (fade out)


bauhaus - the man with x-ray eyes

shoes that no man would want to wear
wipe away the night's last cold stare
red fist curled round the house
wash away boy shelly shoes

chocolate power is so crisp
the atomic open house is really here
and we have gone so desperate
your power know no bounds
and heavier with time
are our shoes
that no man would want to wear
new tread wipes a wet road so dry
	-it stings

into the borrowed course
under the dreadful birds
under the singing soil
and all those guilty clouds

i have seen too much 
wipe away my eyes
too much!


MARIAN (sisters of mercy)

In a sea of faces, in a sea of doubt
In this cruel place your voice above the maelstrom
In the wake of this ship of fools I'm falling further down
If you can see me, Marian, reach out and take me home.....

I hear you calling Marian
Across the water, across the wave
I hear you calling Marian
Can you hear me calling you to
Save me, save me, save me from the 

Marian, there's a weight above me
And the pressure is all too strong
To breathe deep
Breathe long and hard
To take the water down and go to sleep
To sink still further
Beneath the fatal wave
Marian I think I'm drowning
This sea is killing me


Was ich kann und was ich konnte   	(What I can do and what I could do)
Weiss ich gar nicht mehr		(I just don't know anymore)
Gib mir wieder etwas schones		(Give me something beautiful again) 
Zieh mich aus dem meer			(Drag me from the sea)
Ich hore dich rufen Marian		(I hear you calling Marian)
Kannst du mich schreien horen		(Can you hear me calling?)
Ich bin hier allien			(I am here alone)
Ich hore dich rufen Marian		(I hear you calling Marian)
Ohne diene hilfe verliere 		(Without your help I am lost
ich mich in diessem ort                  in this place)

CHORUS(repeat Marian til end)


The Sweetest Chill (siouxsie)

Hearing you  in my sleep
Feeling you  your cadence seeps
Whispering in flashback the spectres of your memories
Fall in glistening showers  such a tender descent
Intones this haunting lament

The sweetest chill

Fearing you  but calling your name
Icy breath   encases my skin
Fingers like a fountain of needles
Shiver along my spine
And rain down so divine

The sweetest chill

A drowning so sublime  spins in a heavenly climb

Calling you  tears thaw my sleep
Wanting you  this hoary web is weaved
From this strange confusion
Grows a perverse communication
It enthralls me and coils me around

The sweetest chill

Enchantment ebbs and whirls  the sweetest chill
Enchantment ebbs and whirls  oh the thrill
The sweetest chill


The Killing Jar (siouxsie)

Down where this ugly man
Seeks his sustenance
Down in the blue, midnight flare
A glass hand cuts through the water
Scything into his twisted roots
Then from his eyes
Spring fireflies
Breathing life
Into a roaring disguise
    Needles and sins, sins and needles
    He's gasping for air
    In the wishing well
    Dust to rust, ashes to gashes
    Hand around the killing jar
A soft hoodwink of shadow
The size of make-believe
Punches through his spike of rage
A glass hand cuts through the water
Snuffing out the magic fury
Then from inside
Bolt lightning cries
Swiftly crushed
The final, muffled sighs
    Needles and sins, sins and needles
    He's gasping for air
    In the wishing well
    Dust to rust, ashes to gashes
    Hand around the killing jar

Ornaments of Gold (siouxsie)
Silver couches to recline upon
And ornaments of gold
Silver moonbeams dance in fountains
Below shining citadels
Surrounded by silver gates  ascending silver stairs
Eureka on angelic prayer  wafts in and scents the air
    With ornaments of gold
    To warm my soul from the growing cold
    Ornaments of gold
We can drink from silver vessels
We can feed from silver bowls
Then I'll give you gilded treasures
Annointed by intoxicating oils
Drenched in riches unimaginable
Your splendour drips with jewels that are so beautiful
    And ornaments of gold
    Warm my soul from the growing cold
Adorable rewardable you
From head to toe I'd love to cover you
And smother you in ornaments of gold
In honeydew I'd love to cover you
Oh lover do bring
    Ornaments of gold
    Protect our hearts from this cruel world
    Ornaments of gold


hmmmm...ok, that's plenty of lyrics for now...




Element:        Woman
Symbol:         WO2
Discoverer:     Adam
Atomic Mass:    Accepted as 55kg. But known to vary from 45 to 720kg.
Occurrence:     Copious quantities in all urban areas and trace elements
                found in most others.


1. Surface usually covered in powder and painted film.
2. Boils at nothing and freezes for no reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various grades ranging from virgin to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied gently to selected points.


1. Has a great affinity for Au, Ag and Pt and most precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode without warning.
4. Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.
5. Reactivity greatly increased if soaked in alcohol.
6. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.


1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. A great aid to relaxation.


1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when discovered in it's natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.


Never take a strangers advice,
never let a friend fool you twice...
...never be the first to believe,
never be the last to deceive...
Nobody's on Nobody's side...
	-- Chess


It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
 Seeing that death, a necessary end,
 Will come when it will come.


Death came with friendly care.


In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning.
	-F. Scott Fiztgerald


Social rules are made by normal people for normal people, and the man of
genius is fundamentally abnormal.


What have we in common with the rosebud, which trembles because a drop 
of dew is lying upon it?


If you can't fuck it, and it doesn't dance, 
eat it, be it, or throw it away.
	-Pat Cadigan


Look at it this way. Cats don't contribute anything at all. They eat,
they sleep, they don't chase off burglars, they don't fetch slippers,
they don't even grace you with their presence if they're not in the
mood. How could they _possibly_ have survived this long if they weren't
God's Chosen Animals ?


    A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels

		by Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky

   As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend
towards legislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings
on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must
also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-
intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary
in this important area. This is especially true in light of the
findings of 20th century physics.

   We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we
join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate
the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the
packaging of every product offered for sale in the United States of
America. Our suggested list of warnings appears below.

WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the
Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a
Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely
Proportional to the Distance Between Them.

CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent
of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically
Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred
Million Miles Per Hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is
Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both
Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.

ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That,
Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spon-
taneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at
Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's
Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any 
Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested
Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles
Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within
the Next Four Hundred Million Years.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the Unlikely Event That This
Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic
Explosion Will Result.

Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in
the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the
Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to
the Heat Death of the Universe.

NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held
Together by a "Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known
and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.

ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found 
Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product
Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.

Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-
Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This
Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable
to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions
Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot
Be Detected.

PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When
the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May
Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined

COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons,
Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in
Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other
Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be
Expressed or Implied.

HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product,
Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its
Velocity Relative to the User.

Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an 
Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently
Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot
Be Guaranteed.

            The above is from Volume 36, Number 1 of
             The Journal of Irreproducible Results.
      Copyright 1991 Blackwell Scientific Publications Inc.
                       3 Cambridge Center
                       Cambridge MA 02141


Frank's Wild Years//Tom Waits (dedicated to Frank Zappa)

Well Frank settled down in the Valley
and hung his wild years
on a nail that he drove through
his wife's forehead
he sold used office furniture
out there on San Fernando Road
and assumed a $30,000 loan
at 15 1/4 % and put down payment
on a little two bedroom place
his wife was a spent piece of used jet trash
made good bloody marys
kept her mouth shut most of the time
had a little Chihuahua named Carlos
that had some kind of skin disease
and was totally blind. They had a
thoroughly modern kitchen
self-cleaning oven (the whole bit)
Frank drove a little sedan
they were so happy

One night Frank was on his way home
from work, stopped at the liquor store,
picked up a couple Mickey's Big Mouths
drank 'em in the car on his way
to the Shell station, he got a gallon of
gas in a can, drove home, doused
everything in the house, torched it,
parked across the street, laughing,
watching it burn, all Halloween
orange and chimney red then
Frank put on a top forty station
got on the Hollywood Freeway
headed north

Never could stand that dog


[ sex ] Message 16687 (1 left): Thu March 30, 1995  5:18pm
From: torquing lugnuts (banshee@atrium.resort.com)
Subject: rocky

was in SF on NYE getting busted by cops

while I was grinning from ear to ear
and trying to get jenn and chad out of my bed


ATTRACTION    the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
1st SIGHT     what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely 
              choosy people meet.  
DATING        the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time,  
              and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom  
              you don't especially like in the present and will learn 
              to like a lot less in the future. 
BIRTH CONTROL avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing 
              special pills, inserting a diaphram, using a condom,  
              and dating repulsive men. 
EASY          a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual  
              morals of a man.  
EYE CONTACT   a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to  
              a man that she is interested in him. Despite being  
              advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking  
              a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the  
              shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes  
              are not located in her chest.  
FRIEND        a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who  
              has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally 
INDIFFERENCE  a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to  
              by the man as "playing hard to get." 
INTERESTING   a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all 
              the talking. 
HABIT        what the endearing little qualities that initially  
             attract two people to each other turn into after a  
             few months together.   
LAW OF    
RELATIVITY   how attractive a given person appears to be is directly 
             proportionate to how unattractive your date is. 
NYMPHOMANIAC a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more  
             often than he does. 
SOBER        condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love 

Moon Over Bourbon Street
There's a moon over bourbon street tonight
I see faces as they pass beneath the pale lamplight
I've no choice but to follow that call
The bright lights, the people, and the moon and all
I pray everyday to be strong
For I know what I do must be wrong
Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over bourbon street

It was many years ago that I became what I am
I was trapped in this life like an innocent lamb
Now I can never show my face at noon
And you'll only see me walking by the light of the moon
The brim of my hat hides the eye of a beast
I've the face of a sinner but the hands of a priest
Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over bourbon street

She walks everyday through the streets of New Orleans
She's innocent and young from a family of means
I have stood many times outside her window at night
To struggle with my instinct in the pale moonlight
How could I be this way when I pray to god above
I must love what I destroy and destroy the thing I love
Oh you'll never see my shade or hear the sound of my feet
While there's a moon over bourbon street


Fortress Around Your Heart
Under the ruins of a walled city
Crumbling towers in beams of yellow light
No flags of truce, no cries of pity
The siege guns had been pounding all through the night
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the fields I'd known
I recognized the walls that I once laid
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

And if I have built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

Then I went off to fight some battle
That I'd invented inside my head
Away so long for years and years
You probably thought or even wished that I was dead
While the armies all are sleeping
Beneath the tattered flag we'd made
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

This prison has now become your home
A sentence you seem prepared to pay
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the afternoon
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid


From the hagg and hungry goblin
That into raggs would rend ye,
And the spirit that stands by the naked man
In the Book Of Moones defend yee!
That of your five sounde sences
You never will be forsaken,
Nor wander from your selves with Tom
Abroad to beg your bacon.
	While I doe sing "any foode, any feeding,
	Feedinge, drinke, or clothing,"
	Come dame or maid, be not afraid,
	Poor Tom will injure nothing.

Of thirty bare years have I
Twice twenty bin enrage`d,
And of forty bin three times fifteene
In durance soundly caged.
On the lordlie loftes of Bedlam,
With stubble softe and dainty,
Brave bracelets strong, sweet whips ding-dong
With wholesome hunger plenty.

	And nowe I sing...

With a thought I tooke for Maudlin,
And a cruse of cockle pottage,
With a thing thus tall, skie bless you all,
I befell into this dotage.
I slept not since the Conquest,
Till then I never waked,
Till the rogysh boy of love where I lay
Mee found and strip't mee naked.

	While I doe sing...

The palsie plagues my pulses
When I prigg you pigs or pullen,
Your culvers take, or matchles make
Your Chanticleare, or sullen.
When I want provent, with Humfrie
I sup, and when benighted,
I reposes in Powles, with waking soules
Yet nevere am affrighted.

	But I doe sing...

I knowe more than Apollo,
For oft, when he ly's sleeping,
I see the starres at bloudie warres
In the wounded welkin weeping;
The moon embrace her shepheard,
And the quene of Love her warryor,
while the first doth borne the star of Morne,
And the next the heavenly Farrier.

	While I doe sing...

The Gipsie snap and Pedro
Are none of Tom's comradoes.
The punk I skorne and the cut purse sworn
And the roaring boyes bravadoe.
The meeke, the white, the gentle,
Me handle touch and spare not
But those that cross Tom Rynosseros
Doe what the panther dare not.

	Although I sing...

With a host of furious fancies,
Whereof I am commander,
With a burning speare, and a horse of aire,
To the wilderness I wander.
By a knight of ghosts and shadowes
I summon'd am to tourney
Ten leagues beyond the wide world's end
Me think it is noe journey.

	Yet I will sing "any foode, any feeding,
	Feedinge, drinke, or clothing,"
	Come dame or maid, be not afraid,
	Poor Tom will injure nothing.

	-Tom o' Bedlam's Song, Anonymous, ca. 1595 AD

 chad you cock smoker


"He who is moste deserving shall see the face of G-d. 
He who maketh fun of the moste deserving shall recieve 
a goode swift kick in the goonies."
                                                 -Malachai 17-36*
				*the bit at the end written in crayon.


	"What the hell are you getting so upset about? I thought you
didn't believe in God."
	"I don't," she sobbed, bursting violently into tears, "but the
God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's
not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be."


The Speech Of Mark Antony at Caesar's Funeral,
by William Shakespeare, as retold by a beatnik:

Friends, Romans, Hipsters,
Let me clue you in;
I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him,
The square kicks some cats are on stay with him;
The hip bits like, go down under;
So let it lay with Caesar.
The cool Brutus gave you the message: Caesar had big eyes;
If that's the sound, someone's copping a plea,
And like, old Caesar really set them straight.
Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs, for Brutus is a real cool cat;
so are they all cool cats,
Come I to make this gig at Caesar's laying down.


days and nights
moments of desperation
instances of loneliness
staring at the smoke
rising from my veins
as they lay open to the sky
my nerves are gone
psychotic spinal replacement
centipede morphography
thrusting painfully
into ill-fitting hollows
limbs twitching
insectile re/action
twitch and shiver
twist and jerk
dying convulsions
cns gone berserk
cold shimmer of chitin
behind my eyes

				march 95


^| I am the most powerful telekinetic in the universe! *nnnyargh!* See? |^
[+ Uhm... you just lifted that pencil across the room... +]
^| No, you fool! I kept the pencil stationary, and moved 
   _the_rest_of_the_universe! Ah-ha ha haaa! |^
[+ Sprok, the episode's almost over, where's the clever plot device? +]
(% According to my sensors, the All-Powerful Entity has a level of 
   cliffhanger potential more than sufficient for a 2-parter, Captain. %)
[+ Damn sweeps week! All hands prepare for closing credits! Red Alert! +]


 i bought my first legal drink in a dennys cocktail lounge
 oh john
 that just sums up you life
 *falls on floor laughing*


|  SYMPTOM        |        FAULT       |        ACTION TO BE TAKEN     |
Drink fails to    | Mouth not open     | Buy another pint and practice in
give satisfaction | while drinking OR  | front of mirror. Continue with as
and taste. Shirt  | glass being applied| many pints as necessary until
front is wet.     | to wrong part of   | drinking technique is perfect.
                  | face.              |
Drinking gives no | Glass is empty.    |  Find someone who will buy you 
satisfaction and  |                    |  another pint.
taste. Glass is   |                    | 
unusually pale and|                    | 
clear.            |                    |
Feet wet and cold | Glass is empty.    | Turn glass the other way up, so
                  |                    | that the open end is pointing at 
                  |                    | the ceiling.
Feet wet and warm | Incorrect bladder  | Go and stand next to nearest dog,
                  | control.           | after a while, complain to dog's 
                  |                    | owner about the lack of house
                  |                    | training.  Demand a pint as 
                  |                    | compensation.
Bar blurred       | You are looking    | Find someone who will buy you
                  | through the bottom | another pint. 
                  | of an empty glass. |
Bar Swaying       | Air turbulence is  | Insert broom handle down back of
                  | unusually high. May| jacket.
                  | be due to darts    |
                  | match.             |
Bar Moving        | You are being      | Find out if you are being taken to
                  | carried out.       | another pub, if you're not, 
                  |                    | complain loudly that you're being 
                  |                    | hijacked by the salvation army.
You notice the    | You have fallen    | If your glass is full and no one is 
wall opposite is  | over backwards.    | standing on your drinking arm then 
covered with      |                    | stay put.
ceiling tiles and |                    | 
strip lights.     |                    |
Everything has    | You have fallen    | As for falling backwards.
gone dim, and you | over forwards.     | 
have a mouthful of|                    | 
broken teeth and  |                    | 
dog ends.         |                    |
Everything has    | The bar is closing.| PANIC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gone dark.        |                    | 
You wake up to    | You have spent the | Check your watch to see if it is 
find your bed cold| night in the gutter| opening time - if not then treat 
hard and wet. You |                    | yourself to a lie-in.
can't see your    |                    | 
bedroom walls or  |                    | 
ceiling.          |                    |


The All New "Two Beers, Please" List

                                      Now with added "Cheers!"

(With pronunciation tips where necessary)

English:  Two beers, please.
Romanian: Doua beri, va rog. 
German: Zwei bier, bitte.
Spanish : Dos cervezas, por favor
French :  Deux bieres, s'il vous plait
Greek: Dhia birra, parakalo
Portuguese: Dois cervezas, por favor (doythe servethas por favor)
Russian: Dve piver, pajalsta
Hebrew: Shtey Bi'rot, be'va'ka'sha
Finnish: Haluaisin kaksi olutta, olkaa hyva
Maltese: Due parabira, de nariella
Alsatian : Zwei ber won's belebt 
Danish: To oele, tak.  (Toe oo-lah, tack.)
Norwegian: To oel, takk
Czech: Dva pivo, prozim
Welsh:   Dau cwrw os gwelwch yn dda (dye cooroo os gwelook un thar)
Albanian: Dy birra, ju lutem
Italian:  Due birre, perfavore
Chinese: Qing gei wo, liang bei pijiu
Japanese: Biru nihon kudasai
Luxembourgish: Zwee beier, wan echgelift
Afrikaans: Twee bier asseblief
Dutch: Twee bier alstublieft
Cantonese: Leung booi bakyu
Icelandic: Ver suo god, eg vil tvaer ol
Korean: mek ju two gay, chu say oh (phonetic)
Vietmanese: xin vui long cho toi hai chai bia (accent marks left out)

English: Cheers!
Romanian: Noroc!
Icelandic: Ska'l! (Skowl!)
Norwegian: Skol!
Swedish: Skol!
Danish: Skol!
German: Prosit! / Prost!
Irish Gaelic: Sla`inte! (Slawnche!)
Spanish: Salud!
Luxembourgish: Prost! / Gesondheet!
Finnish: Kippis!
Chinese: Ganbei!
Japanese: Kanpai!
Cantonese: Ganbooi!
French: Salut!
Czech: Nazdravye!


           I don't exist when you don't see me
           I don't exist when you're not here
       what the eye don't see won't break the heart
          you can make believe when we're apart
              but when you leave I disappear
                 when you don't see me...


HEADACHE - 6/6/92

Crown Of Thorns
ripping open my head
blood and intellect flowing
leaking from my mind
cruel roses, vines tearing
a tight band of pain
coiling smaller and smaller
crippling my thoughts
constricting, biting
like a viper
dripping venom
killing me slowly
poison like a drug
where's the tylenol


LEFT HANGING - 3/24/94

living next door to a dead man
with blankets on the walls
and darkness spilling 
out of the stereo
listening to the empty halls
and feeling the echoes
of that single gunshot
it's so empty at night
when you can feel the ghosts
sliding through the walls
and interrupting for a second
the stacatto buzz of wiring
and you know that
no one can hear what you say
you say nothing
brooding on the void
and the lonely urges
that fill your moments
waiting for the phone
down the hall
to break the tension
with it's mindless tinny call
you pull yourself free
of the invisible cobwebs
that hold you in place
and rush to the beacon
wailing it's mindless call
asking if anyone's there at all
you hope that the moment lasts
did you reach the dangling rope
to haul yourself out of desolation
with the magic wand
held to mouth and ear
praying that electron ghosts
are not responsible for this
light in the darkness
throwing yourself down 
the echoing halls
hurtling through the shadows
between the light
you reach The Point
grab the rope and ask a plaintive


                    I must not fear. 
                Fear is the mind-killer. 
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. 
                  I will face my fear.  
I will permit it to pass over me and through me, and when 
it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. 
     Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. 
                  Only I will remain.


Precious Thing - Big Black

I would like to wrap your hair round your neck like a noose
I would like to wrap your legs around my neck like a lock
You are my precious thing, a thing of speed and beauty
You are my precious thing, as long as you remain beneath me
I will hold you down, I will hold you down
I will pin you down
I will hold you down, I will hold you down
I will ? ? down you
You are my precious thing
You are my precious thing
You are my precious thing
I will hold you down, I will hold you down
I will pin you down
I will hold you down, I will hold you down
I will pin you down
I will hold you down, I will hold you down
I will ? ? down you
You are my precious thing, thing of speed and beauty
You are my precious thing
You are my precious thing, thing of speed and beauty
You are my precious thing, long as you remain beneath me


		  bad penny-big black

  	     ought to know what a liar I am 
		ought to know me by now
  	      don't curse me for my nature 
	       don't bless me for my luck
       just a bad penny, I always come back to you
		    just a bad penny
       just a bad penny, I always come back to you
	 should have known you couldn't trust me
	    	far as you can throw me 
		        throw me
	       couldn't throw me too far
		    just a bad penny 
		couldn't throw me too far

I think I fucked your girlfriend once

Maybe twice, I don't remember

Then I fucked all your friends' girlfriends

Now they hate you

	   just a bad penny, just a bad penny
	   just a bad penny, just a bad penny
	   such a bad penny, such a bad penny
	     bad, bad penny, bad, bad penny
	     ought to know what a liar I am 
		ought to know me by now
		   such a bad penny
		  ooh bad, bad penny
	     ought to know what a liar I am 
	        ought to know me by now
	  ought've known you couldn't trust me
	  as far as you can throw me, throw me
	   such a bad penny, such a bad penny
	   such a bad penny, such a bad penny

		     slap my hand


SEX(1)              UNIX Programmer's Manual               SEX(1)

     sex - have sex

     sex [ options ] ...  [ username ] ...

     _ls_le_lx allows the invoker to have sex with the user(s) speci-
     fied in the command line.  If no users are specified, they
     are taken from the LOVERS environment variable.  Options to
     make things more interesting are as follows:

     -1   masturbate

     -a   external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option

     -A   in the backdoor, so to speak

          bestiality with 

     -c   chocolate sauce option

     -C   chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W)

          get a date with the features described in 

     -e   exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net)

     -f   foreplay option

     -i   coitus interruptus (messy!)

     -j   jacuzzi option (California sites only)

     -l   leather option

     -m   masochism (see -s)

     -M   triple parallel (Menage a Trois) option

     -n   necrophilia (if target process is not dead, program
          kills it)

     -o   oral option

     -O   parallel access (orgy)

     -p   debug option (proposition only)

     -P   pedophilia (must specify a child process)

Printed 2/15/87              2/15/87                            1

SEX(1)              UNIX Programmer's Manual               SEX(1)

     -r   rape (overrides target user's protections)

     -s   sadism (see -m)

     -S   sundae option

     -q   quickie (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am)

     -v   voyeurism (surveys the entire net)

     -w   whipped cream option

     -W   whips (see also -s, -C, and -m)

          is a list of default partners which will be used if
          none are specified in the command line.  If any are
          specified, the values in LOVERS is ignored.

     /usr/lib/sex/animals          animals for bestiality

     /usr/lib/sex/blackbook        possible dates

     /usr/lib/sex/sundaes          sundae recipes

     /usr/lib/sex/s&m         sado-masochistic equipment

     ^C (quit process) may leave the user very unsatisfied.

     ^Z (stop process) is usually quite messy.

     Sean Philip Engelson (spe@cad) at Carnegie-Mellon University

     Oldest program ever.

Printed 2/15/87              2/15/87                            2


                       A FOREST

Come closer and see, see into the trees
Find the girl while you can
Come closer and see, see into the dark
Just follow your eyes, just follow your eyes

I hear her voice calling my name
The sound is deep in the dark
I hear her voice and start to run
Into the trees, into the trees

Suddenly I stop, but I know it's too late
I'm lost in a forest all alone
The girl was never there, it's always the same
I'm running towards nothing
Again and again and again


[ Survey ] Message 2 (4 left): Fri Aug 25, 1995  1:57pm
From: pollster (salguod@resort.com)
Subject: Important survey

Which of the catagories below do you feel you most fit in:

	A) YO HO!
	E) MAN HO'!

[ Survey ] Message 4 (2 left): Fri Aug 25, 1995  2:11pm
From: Feyd (feyd@portcullis)
Subject: ^^^

donut ho'

banshee does not get to answer, as EVERYONE
knows he's a bottomless ho'

[ Survey ] Message 5 (1 left): Fri Aug 25, 1995  2:12pm
From: leekus (laurenem@ese.UCSC.EDU)
Subject: whereas

you of course feyd

can get bottoms by merely snapping your fingers


	"Sealed with a curse
	as sharp as a knife
	doomed is your soul
	and damned is your life"
-Lord John Whorfin
"Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai in the 8th dimension"


If you have gotten this far, either by not using "more" when you 
fingered me, or by dumb luck, and have not quit in frustration, then
you should mail me and tell what you think of my little .finger file.
Alternately, send me mail for not warning you that it was this long ;)

current length: 2260 lines 75263 bytes