I began my qualitative analysis of Blue Food when I was a wee lad, and noticed the strange effects of different colored popsicles, lollipops, and other such pointless confections. What I determined was that all "artificial colors" stained one's mouth, tongue, and teeth to a certain extent, but none such as blue...
Oh sure...you could pass this off as some strange freak astrological occurrence or even a strange government plot to cover up the alien UFO crash that killed JFK and launched nuclear missiles from Cuba on Marilyn Monroe! But perhaps I've said too much about that alternative...
No, the real reason is that blue colored foods are wholly unnatural. Now, to grasp this, you'll have to stay with me for a bit...okay, so you may be asking yourself, "Natural? What in food is natural these days? Begone you freak!", but think about it. Let's take a look at the standard junk food Artificial Colors. Red can be cherry or strawberry, Purple is generally grape, Yellow is pineapple or banana, Orange is, well, orange (or tangerines on a stretch), Brown is chocolate, Green is lime, Pink, for how often you ever see that, is peach, and so on. But what's Blue? Nothing. What fruit, vegetable, animal, or mineral is that color of blue? Take a look at your M&M's, Otter Pops, and so on and go compare to nature. I'll wait.
Hmmm-de-dum...
Okay, good, your back. Well, as you can see, the answer is nothing is that color. Okay, smarty-pants naysayers, I know that you're thinking "What about raspberries, or, for God's sake freekin' blueberries!" Simple, take a look. They're purple. Blueberries are various shades of purple, and even if you grab some unripe ones that could vaguely be considered blue in the right light and state of intoxication, but even if you juice those, you get purple. You cannot make these blue confections out of purple juice without bizarre alien techniques...
So, what are these blue foods based on? I think we've determined that it's nothing in the normal course of human events. We've come to accept that the generated colors and tastes we normally expose ourselves to are chemically generated. The specific Special Additive changes every few years, but it's there. Remember Yellow No. 5? It used to be in everything. Now what is it? Red No. 9?
It is my theory that these additives are part of an experiment in mind control being continually refined and adjusted as time goes by. The ultimate test is to see how much we'll accept without question from the Powers That Be, such as, you guessed it, Blue Food. Until these perpetrators are revealed and brought to justice, the only thing we can do is to refuse to consume these dangerous ridiculously colored "food" items.
Well, how else can you explain the existence of the Spice Girls, or, even more ludicrous, Newt Gingrich.
Trust no one...