Date: 21 May 93 21:35:00 GMTHello. My name is Jeff Vogel. You know me, of course, as President of the United States, and founder of the Scorched Earth Party. My speech today is entitled "The Proper Use of Power In Today's Society."
Just minutes ago, one of your fellow students gave a speech. You may have enjoyed it. I didn't. I found it boring. Gentlemen?
(Sound of class spokesman being dragged out screaming, followed by the sound of lead pipes working their merry work.)I see from the program, that three people are to speak after me. I would like to say now, that if any of them goes over a minute, I will have them handled in such a way that death will come to them as a sweet and lovely joy. When I say this, I am exercising my power. Just a moment.
WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP THAT SCREAMING!? ... Thank you.
That exercise of power is a perfect example of a proper use of power. I don't like long speeches, so I act to curtail them. Similarly, any use of power that benefits me is proper. My current reign is full of examples: my name in neon letters on the Washington Monument, the torture and exile of my opponents, the looting and bombing of New Jersey, and, of course, Blowjobfest 2010.
And I look out and you all today, hopeful young people, people who hope to someday seize some of that power for there very own. Not all of you will be able to, of course - some of you will falter and die. But all of you slack-jawed little zit poppers want my power! Mine! Well, come and get it, you pubescent fuckers, COME AND GET IT!
Ahem. That's all I have to say. Any of you who wishes to sleep with me in return for positions of some small power, the application table is an the back. Killing is a priveledge, not a right. Vote Scorched Earth. Thank you.